President Bush Found Naked at Watergate Hotel with Dead Girl and Live Boy
Claims Criticism of Event part of Pre-9/11 Mindset
George W. Bush was found naked in the presidential suite of the Watergate Hotel last night with the dead body of twenty-three year old Lorraine Silberblatt and a twelve year old boy, also naked, who goes by the street name Diego. Democrats immediately tried to get the upper hand in the political debate by reflexively criticizing Bush. At least one democrat went as far as to whisper the word impeachment - though not too loud. The White House hit back hard at a press conference this morning on the subject. A sturdy and defiant (and dressed) George Bush said that the democrats were trying to play politics with national security. When White House correspondent David Gregory asked what a dead girl and naked, pre-pubescent boy had to do with national security Bush scoffed and wagged his fingers.
"I need to tell you that I only act for national security. I am the president and I see it as my job to protect the people. I am sworn to uphold the law as president," Bush said raising up his right hand, "and that is exactly what I have done. But let me tell you this. I am going to do everything in my power to ensure that there is not another terrorist strike on this country. I will go as far as I have to go and I don't care how it looks to other people. I can tell you this, I was in that hotel room because I thought it was best for the American people. And you need to trust me on this, because I am sworn to uphold the defense of this country."
Gregory tried to a follow-up question but a cloth sack was placed over his head and he was dragged from the room by capitol police who claimed his follow up was an attempt at protest on the White House grounds. Gregory is still being held for questioning, which may go on until the end of Bush's term of office. A second reporter did try and get Bush on record as to how he was protecting the United States in the hotel room. Bush tried to fob off the question with a joke,
"I'm sure we've all been worried about protection in the Watergate Hotel if you know what I mean," Bush said and the room broke in to the laughter, relieving some of the pressure "I understand you want to know what was going on in that hotel room," Bush then explained, "but then Al Queda would also know what went on in that hotel room. Osama Bin Laden would know what went on in that hotel room, and you have to trust me when I say that would not be good for the American people. And I am sworn to protect the American people."
The topic switched when the newly reinstated Jeff Gannon asked Bush a question about turning seaweed in to ethanol to help power hydrogen cars for pig men.
Later in the day Howard Dean said Bush needed a better explanation for what happened. If he didn't have one he didn't deserve to be president. Some reporters challenged Dean on the Republican claims that it would have just as easily been a democrat who killed the girl, and rumors swirling around Washington that the so-called Diego was actually Henry Reid's nephew. When Dean said that there was absolutely no proof of this one of the reporters asked him if he wanted to "scream" at the president. All the reporters broke in to laughter breaking the tension that had been building from talking with Howard Dean.
Later in the afternoon at an impromptu fundraiser Karl Rove said that Howard Dean's crazy and insane ranting were part of a pre-9/11 mindset. Maybe before the twin towers got hit you could wonder what a president was doing in that situation but since that day everything was different. Rove said if Dean or any of the other democrats wanted to challenge the president on this top secret security program they could be his guest. It would be just another example of how the democrats were weak on national defense, not willing to do what they needed to do to protect the American people.
Some consultants said in behind the scenes conversations that the Democrats had to move carefully on this. They were fighting the perception that they were weak on defense and national security and this whole Watergate episode could easily boomerang on them. Many of them were privately displeased with Dean's remarks claiming that this was just another example of him going over the top.
By the end of the day it looked like the Watergate episode could actually turn to Bush's advantage. Being able to say he was with a dead girl and a pre-pubescent boy for national security reasons made him look strong, like he was willing to do what democrats were not. Consultants and pundits were whispering that this could be yet another political winner for Bush