Crossposted from SmokeyMonkey.org.
mal·aise ( P ) Pronunciation Key (m-lz, -lz)
n.
- A vague feeling of bodily discomfort, as at the beginning of an illness.
- A general sense of depression or unease: "One year after the crash, the markets remain mired in a deep malaise" (New York Times).
I have completed my reading of the entire Constitution in Crisis report that Representative John Conyers (D-MI) has put together. I truly feel malaise, a vague feeling of discomfort, or unease. I am just short of depressed. So I started reading Michael Moore's Will They Ever Trust Us Again?. I made it through the introduction and the first two letters before I could no longer see through the tears.
Congress has gone home, so there is no action there. I watched every movie I had during the 5 days off alone that I had over the Christmas weekend. I listened to most of the music that I have wanted to listen to. I have, nonetheless, felt this sense that there is something I need to be doing beyond my pathetic life.
Disclaimer: I am fine, I'm being melodramatic with literary license.
Our country is in a war. The greed and corruption in congress has seemed to hit an all-time high. Terrorism in the modern form, which has been with us since before I was born, has become a mystical institution of evil that must be 'defeated'.
As an historian (amateur, college major), I feel the malaise as being unable to interpret the ongoing historical dramma that is unfolding. During the first Gulf War, I kept a journal of the things I heard on TV, things I thought myself, how I felt. That war ended fairly abruptly, however. I have never lived during an extended war. It is the historian in me that does not want to comment on unfolding history.
Personally, however, I feel the discomfort now that I would feel in the future if I did nothing to try to influence the current society. I am afterall a member of this society, aren't I? I should be able to help effect change. I know I cannot do this alone. But I constantly ask myself, what more can I do? I have written my congresscritters. I have signed petitions. I have even exchanged email with a couple of 2006 congressional candidates. I purchased Markos' book. I bought a present from Blue Funk Productions.
I want to influence more. I want to be important enough that when I say something, people listen and change. I have no such power, and I do not know how to achieve it. That power and influence does not come overnight. It will take work and time and effort to achieve.
So I wait patiently in my malaise, withholding historical judgement on current affairs, but needing deeply to feel my influence on the world, as this world is creeping slowly away from what I have come to appreciate in human history: progress of the individual.
Are we making such progress? It would appear not. I watched The Corporation last night, a documentary about the rise of corporate America. It is a thorough, historical film. There are interviews with Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky, and Milton Friedman (among others). It deepened my malaise. If powerful films like those from Michael Moore or Robert Greenwald have not brought down the American greed, what will?
Again, I cannot be depressed. I have a voice. I have my own website. DailyKos.com does a fantastic job of influencing current affairs. I see a number of issues that make it mainstream (at least on Olbermann), primarily because they are discussed on DailyKos, MediaMatters, or other such sites.
So I will do the thing that I can do, which is to add my voice to the growing roar. I will hope that our collective voices are more powerful than any one of us can be. It is my basic distrust of humans that gives me the final reason for my malaise. How can I trust that speaking out is the best I can do? Can I, should I, go farther? Will those in power break my malaise, my uneasiness about the future of human society, my discomfort about the abuse of the environment? Will we stop warring on other nations for economic reasons?