Skip to main content

    I’m a daily DailyKos reader and until now have only been a lurker. But because this is the winter of my discontent, I’ve decided to jump in. My sister-in-law Nancy introduced me to DailyKos a few years back to take the sting out of the Bush years. Nancy’s mom is the delightful 96-year-old Charlotte Lucas of Kos travel diaries fame.
    So, why am I blogging now and why not about politics? It’s because I find myself unable to concentrate on the world’s larger problems which have been a passion with me for decades, and from what I've read I've come to see that Kos people are smart and compassionate and perhaps can give me a tip or two...

My sister Deb died in November at 57, after a four year battle with cancer, leaving behind a devoted husband, three children, eight grandchildren, seven loving brothers and sisters, and our 93 year old mother. This loss has saddened me to an extent I did not expect. I figured I had plenty of time to be ready for it, but in reality it knocked me off my pins.
     My big problem now is my mom who is finally succumbing to dementia after a long, high-energy life. As Nancy says, it’s a case of losing my mom inch by inch.  
     Mom used to live in her own condo in northern San Diego County where Deb used to check in with her daily. We moved her to an independent living facility about a month before Deb died, so now she lives near me and four of her other middle-aged children in Pasadena. We are all sharing the responsibilities, but as daughters the primary physical care giving has fallen to me and my youngest sister Diane.
      Although mom is lucky to have the money to stay in a nice facility, and although my sibs all pitch in big time, and although I have a good shrink and I do take an antidepressant, I’m finding mom’s decline debilitating to my spirits. I retired in June after 37 years of teaching secondary school in downtown LA, so I have the time to care of her, but I’m finding the open ended day to dayness of it difficult. I am trying to figure out how to get her to accept a paid caregiver a few hours everyday, but six weeks ago she refused to cooperate with the young woman we hired to make sure she took her meds. But that was during her initial adjustment to her new living arrangements. She seems more docile now, and perhaps more accepting. We’ll see.
    We had to take her to the ER twice during the last two weeks. The first was for a torturous day treating a severely impacted bowel. Diane took her home with her for several days after that and nursed her back to good enough shape to enjoy Christmas Day at our house.
     The second ER visit was two nights ago, New Year’s Eve, for a fall outside her apartment. She said she’d gone into the hallway "looking for ice cream." Obviously, her recollection of how the fall occurred is murky. The staff responded immediately and called the paramedics. She broke no bones and basically came away with a large bruise on her buttocks.  My husband and I got her home to our house near midnight. She was cold, so I helped her into a hot bath, put her in a pair of my pajamas, and put her to bed on the foldout in our only extra room. She fell asleep immediately. At three, she woke up and made her unsteady way to the bathroom. When she came out, she kept saying, "cold....cold." There were four blankets on the bed already, and the heater was on, but I climbed in with her to give her body heat. She fell back asleep, and I went back to my own bed.
     She spent most of yesterday, New Year’s Day, sleeping, and then in the afternoon I took her back to her place where she immediately put on a nightgown and got in her own bed. My brother John and Nancy came to visit, and I did a little light housekeeping and made sure she took her meds.
       I went back to John and Nance’s to relax by watching the Rose Bowl game, but found myself, as usual, feeling downhearted. Nancy made comfort food and invited my husband and another close friend over for dinner. Food and wine and my nearest and dearest helped a lot, and after dinner I went home and slept deeply.
   I woke up this morning with the same bad feelings. Nancy says to write to get my feelings out, so that’s what this is all about. So I’ve written. Last night, I read other Kossack’s experiences with caring for an elderly parent, and that did help. Anybody out there want to respond to an all too common reason for middle-aged sadness?

Originally posted to pone on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 12:46 PM PST.

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

  •  It's never easy (24+ / 0-)

    But we do the best we can. When my dad was stricken with late stage lung cancer I relocated to Florida for most of three months, caring for him until he died. Then I came back to my husband and dogs and worked my way out of the funk. The only advice I could offer is to be especially good to yourself. You deserve some extra indulgence.

    not another dime to the dnc, dscc, dccc until i have my civil rights.

    by scooter in brooklyn on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 12:58:07 PM PST

  •  I'm in your demographic (22+ / 0-)

    My parents are both deceased, but I know how dispiriting these decisions and situations can be.  I know it's hard but you have to keep time for yourself, something involving that will take your mind off your mother.  If you are on this blog that tells me you are probably interested in politics.  And please keep posting!  Don't lurk.  There are a lot of us in your age range facing similar problems, and that really helps.  Good luck.

  •  My mom is problematic but still mostly okay (15+ / 0-)

    My dad is all there, though.  I live four hours away and I am the closest of the children.  We are trying to work through this.

  •  I am my mom's full time caregiver (32+ / 0-)

    She started exhibiting signs of dementia back around 2005, but I didn't really realize what it was. Then, in late 2007, she had a stroke. It was fairly mild in that it didn't incapacitate her, but it did cause her to need a walker, gave her some mild incontinence and affected memory.
    The smart, funny woman who raised me and my brother, for a good chunk of years after my dad died, until she remarried, who did her budget and balanced her checkbook more than once a week (with NO calculator), who taught school for many years, is now a completely different person.
    I still love her. But the mom I knew is no longer there. She reads, watches TV, but has terrible memory and talks of people long gone. I help bathe her, feed her, change her diapers and her bed if necessary.
    I love her and cannot even think about a nursing home. I will keep her in her house (where I live) and hire people if I have to.
    I am dealing with much of what you are. I started an anti-depressant about a year ago and it helps, but nothing will cure what our situation is.
    It's hard seeing someone who you relied on through your life suddenly need you and be unable to perform even some of the most basic tasks. But what can you do?
    I wish you well. It's not an easy road.
    Perhaps we need to start a caregiver's diary, possibly a weekend one. There must be more than a few of us dealing with this situation.
    Be well.

    Electing conservatives is like hiring a carpenter who thinks hammers are evil.

    by MA Liberal on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 01:00:41 PM PST

  •  It's a tough situation (16+ / 0-)

    I had a brief taste of what you are going through 18 months.  My mother had colon cancer and started deteriorating rapidly.  She was very independent and getting her to accept care was quite difficult until she became sick enough that staying anywhere other than a palliative care ward was not an option.  Yet during that time she needed care - she couldn't drive herself anywhere, she couldn't really cope with cooking or cleaning.  It was a very stressful time for my siblings and myself, especially as we all lived far away from her.

    "One road is paved with gold. One road is just a road." - Patti Smith

    by matching mole on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 01:00:56 PM PST

  •  been there, did that, for many years (21+ / 0-)

    keep reaching out.  keep sharing the work with your sibs.

    keep a diary.  keep taking notes--document everything.

    getting your mom to accept a paid caregiver is a tough one.  but keep rotating through people until you find someone she responds to positively.

    most important, keep taking care of yourself.  if you become exhausted you cannot help her.  keep eating and resting and keep your true friends close.  you must also find something that gives you joy and do it regularly.  you must find something that puts you in regular contact with other people so you will not isolate.  you are grieving your sister and that grief cannot be set aside while you care for your mom.  you may find it helpful to come to The Grieving Room on Monday nights as a place to vent.

    finally, enjoy every moment.  maybe enjoy isn't the word... but live into each moment fully.  find something to cherish in each encounter.  for there will come a day when she is gone and you will look back even on the difficult days and wish you had them back just so you could hug her and hear her voice again.

    "Politics is like driving. To go backward put it in R. To go forward put it in D."
    --Tom Harkin

    by TrueBlueMajority on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 01:02:03 PM PST

  •  get help (17+ / 0-)

    immediately, it is available but my experience is that you must ask for it.  The facility where your mother is has a duty to tell you if you ask but has no responsibility to offer information about just which services are dependable and which ones aren't.  The best services address the caregivers directly and work to ease their burdens too.

  •  Been there (19+ / 0-)

    and it's no damned fun.  One thing it has convinced me is how important it is to make my own plans for my eventual decline, or expect someone else to make the decisions for me.  This means things like trying to know when it's time to scale down, etc. Move out of the country to a more densely populated area where goods and services are available more readily with less driving, and where a hospital is near by.

    My own parents did not do this in time, and it reached a point where we had to intervene, and then there was, particularly on my mother's part, extraordinary resentment.  

    (((Hugs))) to you, and I wish you luck as you work this through.

    If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in the dark with a mosquito.

    by marykk on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 01:05:12 PM PST

  •  It is hard (14+ / 0-)

    Your story is a familiar one for me. As they say, been there done that and I think I might be getting ready to do it yet again with a sibling.

    For as heartbreaking as it is, you have to remember you can only do what you can do, and no more, even though you're probably trying everything to draw upon superhuman strength.

    Take care of yourself. If you can, besides posting on Daily Kos, see if you can find a caretakers' group to join, preferably in real life. I've seen good ones online, too, so don't count them out.

    FDL = The Teabagger wing of the Democratic Party

    by indubitably on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 01:06:46 PM PST

  •  It's been just over a year... (14+ / 0-)

    since my mother's stroke.  She will be 90 in July.  My two sisters live very far away, and have responsibilities which prevent their providing any real assistance, except for emotional support via telephone.

    The first few months after discharge from hospital and rehab, I was her round-the-clock caretaker, while wrangling with her long-term care insurer.  Now that her insurance has (reluctantly) kicked in, we have professional help for a few hours, four days a week.

    It has been an enormous blessing to renew a close relationship with my mother, which has not been the case previously during my adult life.  It has also strained my own physical and emotional well being, at times near the breaking point.

    To say that it is a challenge facilitating her remaining as independent as possible for as long as possible, is an understatement.  But, I am confident that I will be grateful I honored her wishes in this way.  I will also always have some memories of this time with her to cherish, besides the more difficult ones.

    On a more practical note, I have found the National Family Caregivers Association to be a valuable resource.

  •  Elder care agencies (7+ / 0-)

    You can go to http://www.eldercare.gov/... and search for non-profit agencies in your area that provide assistance. There are many federal (and depending on where you live, state) programs that provide assistance to caregivers and this would be a starting point to find these.

    "I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the Planet Earth."

    by lesliet on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 01:11:59 PM PST

  •  I fear you are my future (11+ / 0-)

    My parents are both doing pretty well still, and the fact that they have each other is a huge help, but my 78 year old mother in law is another story.  

    We have spent the entire last year on the project to get her moved into the house right next to ours.  She is starting to settle in, and is still fairly independent, but I can foresee her needing more and more assistance in the future.  The thing is, she is not a very pleasant person to be around and so I feel very resentful when I am the one who ends up taking care of her needs.  I'm starting to lay down the groundwork to convince her kids that I am NOT going to be her caretaker and when it comes time for her to need one, we will all have to just hire one.  Convincing her to accept that will be another mountain I'm sure.

    Frugal Fridays, where the cheap come to chat.

    by sarahnity on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 01:17:01 PM PST

  •  Folks just don't realize ... (12+ / 0-)

    how much situations like yours can impact their lives until it happens to them.  It's good that you have siblings who are supportive and helpful in caring for yor mother.  That makes the battle somewhat easier.  I can empathize with your situation.

    My Dad died years ago, my Mom is 77 and still works a full time job.  My partner's (can't be married, all that right wing stuff) Dad fell and became a paraplegic three years ago, after about 6 months of hospitilization, surgeries and rehab, we moved him and his mom into our home and cared for his Dad until he died.  His only sibling was 1000 miles away in another state, I have none here, we had none of the support.  Add to that, I am not viewed as part of the family, because most of the family still doesn't know the full story.  Mom is still here, on her own with exceptions: I do her laundry, fix her meals and take her for her Dr appointments.  

    There's nothing I would do differently.  In the end, I know that we will have done everything possible to care for his parents, and we will do likewise for my Mom if the time comes.  It's consuming, it's heart wrenching, but it's worth it to know you cared for someone who needs it and deserves your help.

    Pass HCR, then make it better? DADT is still there, 17 years later. How long will bad legislation survive before it can be 'made all better'?

    by emsprater on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 01:30:38 PM PST

  •  It's a hard row to hoe (7+ / 0-)

    Your sorrow is understandable.  
    Journaling, praying, meeting with a patient listener, strolling in the sun:  these are acts that I have benefitted from.

    Good advice was posted here:
    a paid caregiver is a tough one.  but keep rotating through people until you find someone she responds to positively.

    I do think you should try hiring another person.   Maybe the arrangement can be to have the aide come in to help your Mom take her medications and play cards for an hour?  
    Maybe hire someone to do chores (if not provided by facility).

    Maybe make a point of attending events at the facility with your Mom (I know the complex my Mom at has musicians visit and films shown).

    "You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them." [Ray Bradbury]

    by RosyFinch on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 01:43:18 PM PST

  •  I have a 92 yr. old mom in a retirement facility (9+ / 0-)

    in Florida, altho my sister who lives nearby could probably respond better, as she is there and I am in Illinois.  (altho we're leaving in 2 weeks for 2 months there so I will be able to see her daily).  When my dad died a few years ago she tried to remain in their recently purchased home, but she couldn't handle it all on her own.  She would be calling my sister in the middle of the night worried about the pool pump, or some such, and it became obvious that she needed a more secure living arrangement.  She moved into a very nice retirement community which is connected to a healthpark and has 3 different levels of accomodation.  She began in the independent living section, still driving, altho we were always nervous about that, and all was good for a time.  They had a fun cocktail hour and she had a group of gals she played cards with on Fri. nights and many other activities.  Nightly dinner was included in a lovely dining room.  Then she had a medical crisis and ended up in the hospital for a time, and she was not the same after that.  She could no longer prepare her own breakfasts and lunches or trusted with meds etc.---or drive.  So we moved her to the next level which is assisted living, which is where she is now.    All meals are provided and there is nursing supervision for meds-----they line up for meds before meals sorta like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.  (hmmmm---bad analogy)  But anyway, she manages but has lost almost all short term memory----she can't tell me where and what she had for lunch even when I'm calling the minute she walks in the door.  My sister gets upset with her because she will no longer turn on the TV or read, and she used to be a voracious reader, and she spends much of her time lying in bed.  She'll go to bingo or whatever else they have on the agenda----not enough in my opinion----and go to meals but that's about it.  She has a "boyfriend" of sorts, who has been a godsend, spending time with her, but that is fading as they both increasingly age and going out for din has become next to impossible.  And her thing now is to just dial incessantly-----she calls all members of our family multiple times a day.  We cheerfully chat, cheerfully listen to all the repeated stories for the few minutes, and that seems to be all she wants.
     My sister stops in to see her as much as she can and brings her to her house for weekly lunches and dinners.  But she is busy with work and her own immediate family, including 2 new grandbabies.  So all feel guilty about her situation.  We recently got a wheelchair for her so we can push her around outside for fresh air, as her walking has become very unsteady.
     I think it's important that you do what you can, take everything as it comes and realize you cannot be responsible for everything, and not to feel guilty that you also have a life to live.  

    •  and I should add that we are so grateful that (5+ / 0-)

      she is still with us and has been as healthy as she has for so long.  I know so many other families who are not as fortunate and have lost loved ones prematurely or have had to deal with many years of debilitating and deteriorating disease with their parents.

    •  My grand mother was in a facility very much (0+ / 0-)

      like the one you describe.

      She moved there after setting her apartment ablaze - she put the wooden salt and pepper shakers in the oven one evening.

      The facility was wonderful, with assisted living through full care.  She lived for 16 years there - most enjoyable, the last few with a quality of life that wasn't great.  The last years were those that I was most involved with.  Her daughter (my mother) would get burned out and leave.  

      Someone, ideally a family member, needs to be an advocate for the very elderly.  And the family needs to discuss frankly the next steps in the process.  It is important that it doesn't happen after a medical crisis, but instead before.

      My grandmother loved living there FWIW

      The constitution does not provide for first and second class citizens - Wendell Wilkie

      by ms badger on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 05:04:14 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  thank all those caring for elderly (6+ / 0-)

    y'all are truly doing the important work of our society.

    best of luck to you.

    secession = treason. Haters are Traitors!

    by catchaz on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 02:04:22 PM PST

  •  I have been caregiver to a father (5+ / 0-)

    and a dear uncle and I am a primary care doctor so I know this problem from both ends.  

    As an intern, I was given advice that has been repeated over and over here in the comments .  In my day, we spent 36 hours straight on call in the hospital.  I had a very sick patient in ICU and had spent over 40 hours at her bedside when my supervising resident told me I had to go home.  He said "If you want your horses to run fast, you have to let them rest. You are my horse."  Get rest and don't feel guilty when you do.

    Secondly, accept that life is a terminal disease. Medical care can prolong life as well as death. If she does not have an advanced directive, you have to draw the line.  If you take her to the ER, their job is to try and save her even if it is prolonging death.

    Sometimes doing nothing is the hardest thing but the right thing.

  •  Could your mom qualify for home health care? (4+ / 0-)

    You should consider asking the doctor about this. Medicare will pay for home health care and she can get someone to come over and help her for up to 32 hours per week. This might help you in several ways, so I'd definitely ask about it. Good luck to you...and I'd definitely consider going to talk to a therapist about your feelings here. It's no good to bottle them up and they may have additional ideas and helpful suggestions for you.

    And I finished this letter with unshakable faith that the dream will be fulfilled for this generation, and preserved and enlarged for generations to come.

    by Elise on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 02:35:58 PM PST

  •  Lost my mom to Alzheimer's (5+ / 0-)

    If that's what's going on, i.e., some kind of progressive dementia, an independent living facility is a very temporary arrangement. In our case, Daddy was (initially) her full-time caregiver, but he wasn't much on meals, meds and hygiene. He fought us about getting in-home care, and Mother began to lose weight and wander the neighborhood. We eventually had to involve APS (adult protective services) and, long story short, she spent her final three years at a locked Alzheimer's facility.

    I was horrified. I wanted her home with me or another sibling. However, I need to say that she flourished where she was. She was bathed daily, she gained weight, the staff was great, and Mother got along famously with the other patients. They were all about the same age, and most of them retained their long-term memory, so they loved to sing the songs they loved during WW II. Daddy visited every day on a regular schedule, and my sister and I intentionally visited at odd times.

    If your sadness is anything like mine was, it's a mixture of anticipatory grief and sadness that you're losing your oldest, most essential connection before you expected to. In my case, I've said that the one good thing about dementia is this: I used to think I wouldn't be able to go on after my Mother died. Alzheimer's took her from me piece by piece, and at the end I was ready. She wasn't my mother any more.

    So what do you do? Write about it and talk about it. Call the Alzheimer's Assoc. and join a support group. Find a social worker who specializes in this area and determine what social services are available ... and use them. Make your brothers do their share. This isn't "women's work"; this is "family work". Don't expect to get everything right - you're in uncharted territory, and you need to be good to yourself.

    You'll find great support in this community. We may fight like toddlers over political issues, but let someone put up a diary saying, "Help!" and we're there. ♥

  •  My parents live with me (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    ladybug53, blue jersey mom, foufou

    My father is 97 and my mother is 87.  She is in really good shape and as long as my father knows where she is, he's cooperative.  He has serious memory problems and is very hard of hearing.  He takes a variety of medications.  One is an antidepressant that makes him a pretty happy person to be around, otherwise he'd be very grouchy.  My mother has to get out on her own many days in the week to play bridge with her friends, etc...  Otherwise she and my father are joined at the hip.  I know if she were to die before he does, it would be very hard to take care of him.  The thought of knowing I will be losing both of them is depressing.  I'm just grateful they've had such a long and healthy life together.

    The New York Times has a blog on aging that has good information and insights.  

    Winning without Delay.

    by ljm on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 03:32:42 PM PST

  •  Living into your 90s is generally (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    ms badger, matching mole, foufou

    not pretty, and we don't talk about it nearly enough. My mom is 91, and she lived in an assisted living community. The has mild cognitive issues and severe osteoporosis. My sister lives in Michigan, so I am responsible for my mom.

    It is a long,hard road.

  •  Have you read _The 28-hour Day_? (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    ms badger

    If not, do so! You aren't alone, and other people have found (some) solutions.

  •  My dad had dementia (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    ladybug53, ms badger, foufou

    from his life long alcoholism.  He had left the family when I was 12 or 13, and tried to disappear.  I got a call at work one day; I was 45 at the time.  The social worker asked if I could be responsible for him and his needs.  It was, for me, and I hope for him, the best thing I've ever done.  And the hardest.

    Remembering what a parent was like when you were younger basically has to be dropped.  They are a different person entirely when dementia takes hold.  

    Get to know the person they've become; not the person you want them to be, or that your remember.  Love them for who they are; accept all and don't judge.  If you do, you will make yourself sadder.

    I tell my friends who have parents with dementia that they have to do one thing they were always taught not to do.  And that is to lie to your parent.  If they want to "go home", tell them "soon", or tell them their place is being redecorated; whatever calms them.  Even if it isn't true, it can make them feel safe. I know it sounds awful, but consider the alternative.  Do you really want to argue with a fearful person who is losing sense of their world?  What would be the point to that?  You will make them more afraid if you argue with them, and although you may win you lose.  And you will make your parent or family member more fearful.

    Fear and stress makes their dementia worse.

    And learn to take care of yourself while you are taking care of your parent.  Otherwise you cannot be there for them or yourself and your family.

    I think the sadness for the caregiver happens because there comes a point where you realize you cannot change the outcome.  And it also comes when you realize you might end up in the same place.

    All of us need to support our friends and family who are caregivers.  And give them as much love as we can.

    "Vancouver B.C. - the home of the 2010 Winter Olympics, single payer health care, and single payer car insurance"

    by marigold on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 04:27:21 PM PST

  •  I'm a friend of Charlotte's (0+ / 0-)

    She had filled me in a little on your sister's condition and death.  I prayed for you all then and continue to do so.  My mom died at 57 from cancer, too.

    I can't address all or even many of your concerns but I may have a take on the cold thing.  Has her own physician evaluated her circulation lately?  It might be something as simple as making sure that her blood is pumping adequately to keep her body warm.  Also could be a cause for her falling.  At least it would be something to rule out.  

    Also, Charlotte and I have been in a discussion about silk long johns. (I know, that sounds nuts, but she was telling me how cold it was in Tibet and I was whining about how cold it is in Iowa...)  I've had silk long johns and they are really warm, especially under something else that's warm.  I don't know if you have flannel pjs in California, but if she wore the silks under her pjs, it might make a difference.

    Keep posting here.  Even if we don't have pearls of wisdom, we'll listen and help you through the rough patches.  Last night, I watched a little video that made me laugh.  Molly Ivins will make you smile and get some endophins pumping.  

    -7.62, -7.28 "Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly." -Langston Hughes

    by luckylizard on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 05:12:49 PM PST

  •  My mother will be 86 and recently moved in with (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    ladybug53, matching mole

    me.  It's been an adjustment all around: my son hates her presence, she wants to treat me like a child, she thinks she moved in so that I can be a caregiver but I think I moved her in to get her away from an elder abuse situation and I'm not cut out to be a caregiver....  Anyway, I'm glad she's under my roof for now.

    I've never claimed to be a leader of the DK eco community

    by RLMiller on Sat Jan 02, 2010 at 05:28:57 PM PST

  •  You have no idea how important the Pootie Diaries (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    ladybug53, matching mole

    are to me. I moved back last December to take care of my Mom, Dad and Shizo/Aspergers brother. At first they resented it and screamed, literally screamed at me. Of course no one could drive, go grocery shopping, etc which was beside the point.

    My Mom is a hoarder so I had to dig a path to the couch, and then dig out the couch so I could have a place to sleep that night. My brother gets up every morning at 5 so it wasn't what I'd call a good night's sleep.

    Fast forward 12 months and things have settled somewhat but for many months, most evenings of many months, it was only the pootie diaries that could make me stop feeling like my life was over.

    It's incredibly hard and I even lost friends, but the pootie diaries get me through it.

    And now Molly Ivins. Get your joy where you can.

    c

  •  pone what a blessing ! (0+ / 0-)
    though you may not realize it now

    your opportunity to be there with

    the mother who brought you here is an

    incredible and wonderful blessing from god  

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site