The Anal Anti-Defamation League (AADL) has issued a press release complaining about comparisons of Rush Limbaugh to anuses.
We are pleading with the public to be more respectful of the sensitivity of anuses everywhere. The rectal sphincter is an essential part of the human body, but too often it becomes a case of "out of sight, out of mind." Parents are so proud when their children learn to control their bowels, but immediately start taking this miracle of nature for granted. The anus is ignored and neglected until it malfunctions, and people are reminded that a well disciplined sphincter is the foundation of an orderly and hygienic society.
The AADL wishes to thank Rush Limbaugh for raising public awareness of his buttocks by using his pilonidal cyst to avoid the Vietnam war and Glenn Beck for sharing his hemorrhoid surgery with the country. However we feel that their behavior has drawn many comparisons to anuses that reflect unfavorably on the patriotic lower colons of this United States.
Rush has done many cruel and outrageous things like mocking Michael J. Foxx, but we can't stress enough that no anus would ever mock Michael J. Foxx.
It is our hope that Clear Channel Communications will donate time for PSAs to heighten anal awareness. We would suggest that each conservative radio host be used to raise awareness of a specific anal disease. Glenn Beck should clearly be a spokesman for hemorrhoids, perky Michelle Malkin reminds us of anal warts, Michael Savage's wrinkles are evocative of anal fissures,and Sean Hannity is a good match for chronic suppurative perianal fistulas. As befits his prominence, we feel that Rush should be the spokesman for anal cancer, although the AADL is in negotiations with the American Bar Association, which currently own the merchandising rights for this illness.
Also, don't forget to sign their petition to ban single ply toilet paper in the workplace.