From the bluffs of Alton, in the true-blue state of Illinois.....
Bill is taking a break, so you got me. Sorry. I don't think I've ever been less inspired to do a C&J, ever, but Michael asked me to fill in, and I'm going to keep my word.
I'm thinking a picture from happier times is in order:
That's me in the Keys with a dolphin named April, taken in August 2006.
Doc's Cheers and Jeers begins below the fold, with news from around the nation, around the world, and up your alley! ("Up my alley?" Up yours!)
DISCLAIMER: AAbshier's Cheers and Jeers are not affiliated in any way, shape, or form, with Bill in Portland Maine's Cheers and Jeers. The use of the words JEERS and CHEERS , the swoosh/gong device, pie references, pootie pics, lusty wenches, mattress references, whomps, moist, kvetching over meta diaries, the heartbreak of psoriasis, and flicked peas are all used with permission of Bill in Portland Maine and the members of the C&J Café community. Any further resemblances to BiPM`s Cheers and Jeers are deliberately coincidental. So there.
NOTE: In honor of C&J Monday's first annual Salute to Britain, I recommend mousing with your pinky extended..
Doc's Bad Joke of the Week
(in the gray box so you can avoid it and not miss anything else)
I'm just back from the gym, so here's some quick-hit gym jokes for today:
Hack Squat - The position a cat gets into when he’s coughing up a hairball, commonly mistaken as a leg exercise.
How many bodybuilders does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six: one to change it and the other 5 to yell out ‘you look fucking huge dude!’
Why wasn’t the bodybuilder evicted? Because he was squatting.
Salute to Great Britain! (Is it irresponsible to ask why? Is it irresponsible not to?)
Jeers to the British school system. A survey of British youngsters 16 and under revealed that 26 percent of them believe that bacon comes from sheep. Just to add to the merriment, 29% believe that oats grow on trees. Silly Brits. Everyone knows both items come from the supermarket!
Cheers to well-paying jobs in education, with a catch. A primary school on the Scottish Highlands, on a peninsula only accessible on foot or by boat, is looking for a new head teacher. No one as yet has taken the post, paying 43,968 pounds per year (about US$74,500.00) and at one point the students laid on the ground to spell out "help" for a YouTube clip. Sounds like a good place to get away from it all.
Cheers to great ideas in customer service. Three Holiday Inns on the Scepter'd Isle are trying out a new innovation in guest service: human bed warmers. Only the British could come up with this:
Dressed in all-in-one special suits, they arrive to rooms five minutes before bedtime and jump in between the sheets to make sure guests don't have a cold bed to climb into.
Yes, and we know what those "special suits" are. "Special suits", he wrote knowingly. Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more!
And Now, a Word From our Sponsor:
Cognotive dissonance, Aisle 5!!!!
Jeers to corporate egging on of an annoying trend. The website Hot Chicks with Douchebags has been monitoring the latest in bad male fashion trends, the Groin Shave Reveal. Now Gillette has joined the fun, making a helpful video to help prospective club puds shave down there in a safe manner. I'd prefer nobody knew about the status of my hair down there myself!
(Yes, HCwDB is a guilty pleasure of mine. So there.)
Cheers to WTWB. What is WTWB? Wall-To-Wall Beethoven! The St. Louis Symphony Orchestra starts their two-week Beethoven festival next weekend. Why Beethoven? The St. Louis Post-Dispatch explains:
Beethoven sells tickets: The orchestra saw a major spike in sales when it offered a complete cycle of the symphonies and a number of other Beethoven works in its 2002-03 season.
A Cheer within the cheer to the SLSO, which offers free tickets to up to 6 concerts every season. With me in a tight financial situation, this helps a lot of us make concerts we otherwise wouldn't! Speaking of music:
Cheers to one of our own, virgomusic, who is on her way to Los Angeles in her guise as Miss Music Nerd to cover the classical music portion of the GRAMMY awards (they want it all caps--I don't make these rules, they do). She is asking for help with travel expenses, so if you have some spare dollars, please send them her way--and follow all the classical music GRAMMY action you can stand on the offical website.
You know what to do:
The floor is open.