In a surprising development, House Minority Leader John Boehner of Ohio today announced the formation of a new union for Republican legislators: Republicans And Teabaggers For American Constitutional Equality (RATFACE).
At a press conference held today, Mr. Boehner outlined his reasons for the formation of the new union, saying, "We have negotiated individually and separately with Wall Street in good faith. We are the American workers who put the executives on Wall Street where they are today. If it wasn't for our hard work, where would they be? But they won't give us fair treatment and pay for our efforts. Enough is enough."
The move comes as a surprise to many Washington observers, who have noted that in general Republicans tend to not support the labor and union movements. When asked about this apparent contradiction, Mr. Boehner responded, "The Republican Party has always stood for the American dream. People should be paid appropriately for their efforts. And no where in America are hard working folks rewarded less for their contributions to their employers than on the Republican side of the aisle."
Mr. Boehner went on to reflect on the recent Supreme Court decision. "The High Court has stated unequivocally that politicians not only can be paid for their efforts, but should be. Yet Wall Street refuses to pay us anything close to what we deserve for our hard work. Look at the billions they have made, and tell me that those of us who did the dirty jobs in the trenches shouldn't be getting a bigger piece of the pie."
Other demands from the newly formed union include better job security, on the job amenities such as free tanning facilities, in-office mini-bars, expanded catering services, and in general, better working facilities and hours. "Just look at where we have to work," said Boehner. "Some of our facilities are literally hundreds of years old. And to have to eat in a cafeteria that still serves French Fries, well, it's just appalling."
Asked whether the new union would be seeking better medical benefits, a common demand in union-corporate negotiations, Mr. Boehner was quoted as saying, "Huh? What? America has the greatest health care system in the world. What are you talking about?"
Details of the leadership organization of the new union are still sketchy. However, it appears that it will indeed be led by Mr. Boehner, although there is speculation that Rush "The Boss" Limbaugh will wind up winning the power struggle for the ultimate leadership. The treasurer position will be co-held by Ted Stevens and Jack Abramoff. Outreach programs will be led by Karl Rove and Dick and Liz Cheney. Enforcement will be led by Tom DeLay, and the negotiations staff will be led by Joe Lieberman.