Hi and welcome to the Friday AM Gus Diary. If you're new:
I took a cruise, my first vacation in 20 years, during my 3rd not-smoking-week. It was fabulous, but it also threw me off. For that week I was completely out of my world. There were no "trigger" zones, and no familiar routines so I rarely even thought about smoking. And that's what led to the trouble. I forgot to be conscious after I came home. I forgot about changing routines and adding new behaviors. It took about 10 days for me to get it - I finally noticed that I was telling people the same thing again and again - it's so hard and it was so easy (kinda) before the cruise.
I didn't have to think during my vacation. Everything was different. I was busy doing stuff I never do in an exciting environment where I'd never smoked. I came home and picked up the pieces of my life and forgot that I had to stay busy doing things differently than I did when I was smoking. I forgot to use the elliptical when I was twitchy. I forgot to plug myself into my iPod when I was stressing with mom. I forgot to take a deep breath and count backwards from 8 to 0 when I felt the urge to smoke. I forgot to make a mental list of reasons I quit. I forgot to inventory the positive effects of not smoking.
That left me feeling sorry for myself, whiney, sad, bored, and confused.
The part of me that loved smoking isn't going down without a fight. She slips into every nook and cranny of my brain and waits for weakness, then croons a mantra - "This is too hard. You've already given up so many things. Your life is so stressful, why can't you have some relief now and then? You could control this - just have a couple of cigarettes a day, just a break when things are really hard." Addicts are sneaky little things, and mine has a lot of practice hooking me into self-pity.
If I'm going to succeed as a non-smoker I have to remain vigilant. The first three weeks I did things differently. I had a mental list of the reasons I had to quit - the physical stuff I was experiencing was really getting scary. I kept track of every positive I noticed about quitting. I varied my routines. I looked for new activities. I used music as a stress-reliever. I used the elliptical to prove to myself that my breathing was getting easier. I gave myself treats - flowers to celebrate one week, expensive shampoo to celebrate one month. I told people close to me about every triumph and tried to avoid telling them about every fuss.
I read GUS diaries even when I didn't comment - it just helped to know I wasn't alone in the struggle. They really help. If you're here for the first time, please some back. I read the diaries before I quit, and they really helped me make up my mind to go for it.
I hope you'll join us.
Current members of the GUS team!
1BQ, 3rdGenFeminist, Abra Crabcakeya, addisnana, AfroPonix, aishmael, ambeeeant, American in Kathmandu, amk for obama, andsarahtoo, Anne933, anodnhajo, aoeu, arcadesproject, Archie2227, Arthur Wolf (in memoriam), assyrian64, awkawk, bamablue, BARAKABETH, barnowl, bdizz, bgblcklab1, Bike Crash, BirderWitch, bleeding heart, blingbling65, blue husky, Blue Intrigue, bluestatedem84, BoiseBlue, Brahman Colorado, breedlovinit, BrowniesAreGood, bsmechanic, burrow owl, cee4, Cen Den, ChocolateChris, ChurchofBruce, Colorado is the Shiznit, coloradomomma, Common Sense Mainer, coppercelt, dadanation, dangoch, demkat620, Dexter, DiegoUK, Dingodude, dolfin66, donnamarie, Donna O, DRo, droogie6655321, duckhunter, EdgedInBlue, El barragas, ericlewis0, Everest42, Ex Con, fhamme, Fineena, fishhawk, Flea, FlipperWaves, flumptytail, FrugalGranny, Garrett, Gator, gchaucer2, Geiiga, Georgianna Darcy, gooderservice, gooners, greylox, grndrush, Haole in Hawaii, hideinplainsight, High Tide, hulibow, I love OCD, Im a frayed knot, imisa, Indexer, indyada, Interceptor7, inventor, itsbenj, Jahiz, JamesEB, janl1776, jbou, Jeffersonian Democrat, jmadlc55, Joe's Steven aka Steven, john07801, johngoes, jsfox, jvolvo's Mom, jwinIL14, Jyrinx, kai99, kailuacaton, Kelly of PA, kestrel9000, khloemi, Khun David, Kitsap River, Ksholl, labwitchy, Lady Kestrel, ladypockt, langerdang, LarsThorwald, last starfighter, Laurie Gator, Lipstick Liberal, litoralis, lmdonovan, longislandny, luvsathoroughbred, maggiemay, magicsister, marknspokane, maryabein, Matt Esler, Marc in KS, mdemploi, michael1104, Mikeguyver, MillieNeon, Minerva1157, MinervainNH, Missys Brother, Morague, mrsgoo, mskitty, nannyboz, ncsuLAN, Nick Zouroudis, notgivingup, NY brit expat, operculum, one pissed off democrat, OrangeMike, Ordvefa, OverTheEdge, paige, PaintyKat, paradox, parryander, Pennsylvanian, phrogge prince, Positronicus, post rational, psycho liberal, Purple Priestess, PvtJarHead, red mittens, relentless, revelwoodie, revsue, Rex Manning, RiaD, rickeagle, rincewind, rkex, roadlion, Roger Fox, Rosebuddear, Rudini, Safina, SallyCat, Sark Svemes, Scrapyard Ape, seenaymah, sfbob, sgary, Shahryar, sheddhead, shmuelman, slowbutsure, smartcookienyc, smeesq, snoopydawg, snorwich, sofia, soonergrunt, spmozart, SpotTheCat, Statusquomustgo, Tay, theatre goon, TigerMom, tiredofcrap, Treefrog, triciawyse, trueblueliberal, Turn VABlue, Turtle Bay, uc booker, Unduna, Unforgiven, Vacationland, valadon, Vayle, webranding, weelzup, Wes Opinion, willy be frantic, willy mugobeer, Wood Dragon, wolfie1818, Wordsinthewind, x, yet another liberal, Zotz
Please post a comment in the butt can if you would like your name added to the GUS Buddy List.