sigh where to begin…….
I created this blog/diary months ago, though I have waited this long to make my first post. I don’t know why, I can’t seem to understand where the time went, and I have to admit, publishing my thoughts to the internet for all to see and read is somewhat scary. I don’t want to be long-winded, nor do I want to be simple-minded in my posts either. I want substance, I want structure, and I want to be legible. Having never had any formal writing classes or publishing lessons, I can only hope I wont be looked at as an idiot with nothing to say.
Let me start out by sharing a little bit about myself. I am a nobody, not famous, not powerful, not rich, and certainly not the most intelligent. I save the intelligence for my beautiful wife, her with the masters degree in business. I have a high school education, with a little bit of college mixed in. I live in “sunny” Florida, Lakeland, specifically. I have lived her for the last 7 or 8 months, in a rented house. previously we lived in Winter Haven, formerly the spring home of the Cleveland Indians, and home of the infamous cypress Gardens theme park, which will soon be a “Lego Land” theme park. Prior to that I spent 6 years in Tampa, the home of the Buccaneers, Rays, and Lightning. Overall I have spent 31 years in Florida, my folks moving here when I was just 12 years old from NE Ohio. I haven’t been there in 13 years, since my father died. Anywho, I am an unemployed Sales rep in the construction industry, just being laid off (for the second time) a little over a week ago. I was laid off from this same company in August of ‘’08, then was rehired back in March ‘09. Last week, I was handed the pink slip once again, being told that creditors have forced the owner to cut payroll, and I and one other sales rep, in Jacksonville, have been let go along with 3 other people in the company.
For those of you fortunate enough to have survived this weak economy and managed to keep their job, I commend you and am happy for your good fortune. I am one of the unfortunate ones, I guess, having been laid off now twice in less than 18 months from the same employer. Serves me right, I guess for going back there in the first place. I qualify for unemployment, not that it is a whole lot, merely 30% of what I was making while employed. My wife is having to shoulder the burden, and it isn't fair to her. I was unemployed for nearly 7 months the last time, I promised her that i would not wait that long again to get a job, nor would I sit on my ass waiting for something to land in my lap. I have several contacts in my industry where I can go to, and will network my ass off until I find a job. Who knows, this may end up being a good thing in the end, and I may find an employer that is more stable, and willing to pay me for my performance.
They say that writing is good therapy, and getting things off your chest can also be therapeutic. If that is the case I have a lot to share, as I am not one to share my thoughts openly, nor am I one to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I tend to close up and go into a shell and not come out for a while. I have trained myself to not let what is going on in my life or in my head to affect those around me by taking out my frustrations, my fears and my anger on those I love. My wife hate that about me and constantly is having to tell me to let her in and share what is going on. I guess it is a self-defense mechanism built in to my psyche that was inbred into me by my parents, they were the same way. In order to now hurt the ones that they love or to keep them from worrying, they kept all of their worries and their stress bottled up inside of them.
I guess this blog/diary whatever you want to call it is going to be a form of therapy for me, sharing my thoughts, whether they be personal, political, sports related, or news-related, I will use this and the others that i have across the net to better myself, to get things off my chest and to provide commentary or opinion on things that interest me. I don’t claim to be intelligent, as I have said previously, but I do have some common sense, the ability to look at things from outside the box, and a caring heart that seems to be hidden somewhere in my chest covered in cobwebs from lack of use lately. I don't expect a lot of readers, nor do I expect to have anyone comment here, but this Blog is for me, and if it helps me become a better husband, father and person, then it will have accomplished something.
So join me, or don’t, it matters not, on a journey that will hopefully allow me to share some insight, some experiences, and gain knowledge through observation of others and the tearing down of the walls that surround my pain, my anguish, and my feelings.