Dear Fellow American,
You have been selected from a sample of political leaders in your area to take part in a Nationwide Survey on the Obama Agenda called ASK AMERICA.
...this is how a letter I found in the mail box the other night begins. It came from the Republican National Committee (even has a blue facsimile signature by that remarkable political strategic genius, Michael Steele, who to my surprise wants to be my new friend) and goes on for two pages of widely-spaced text full of bullet points and numbered lists that convey the general impression that our beleaguered nation needs to turn its desperate eyes to a group who will stand against the raging tsunami of socioislamofascioObama-ism that threatens to sweep us all away into some imponderable Hell that only Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid can cast an evil smile upon...
Or something...
The survey goes on for 32 questions, 31 of which generally are of the tone:
Do you think that Barack Obama sucks?
O Yes
O Absolutely, he sucks Majorly
O Well, Duh!
O Don't know
Question 32 asks "would you like to give lots of money or oodles of money to us?"
...I am, admittedly, just a little conflicted about this. On the one hand it is certainly flattering to finally be recognized as 'a political leader' after all these years of blogging so deeply in the shadows that Technorati hasn't yet invented a category for that place. At the same time, the idea that the RNC would send the likes of me this sort of survey so seriously calls into question its core judgement that I have to confess that it tends to cheapen the accolade just a little bit. Still, I will not let my new friend Mike Steele down; I will absolutely complete this survey and mail it back to the RNC because Mike wants America's voice to be heard. It's the least I can do, and answering "No" thirty two times won't unduly inconvenience me...
Of course I won't be sending any money (Mrs. Jack K. says I should tape a penny to the survey with a note saying that's what it - and the Republican party - are worth to me, but that's just harsh). And even though Mike asked me to use a postage stamp on the return envelope to help him save much-needed funds, I won't be doing that either. It says right there on the envelope that no postage is necessary if mailed in the US; a stamp on this envelope is one less stamp for all those other envelopes I need to mail, and economic conservatism starts at home, I say...
I can't really say why I got this survey. Perhaps the RNC is sending this thing to registered Independents in districts that McCain won last time. Perhaps my new friend Mike is just crazy (the line for the betting window on that one starts right over there to the left). Perhaps the RNC thinks I won't have the guts to answer "No" 32 times and refuse to use a stamp on the return envelope since my name is prominently displayed on the front of the survey (so much for anonymity). Whatever the reason, this certainly doesn't look like "bringing out the A Game" from any sort of cash-strapped national political organization that I would be looking to for leadership in these trying economic times. In fact, it looks pretty goofy to send me, of all people, a blatantly push poll-worded survey, but I am by God going do my part to let the RNC know what Americans think. It's the least I can do for my new friend Mike...