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Ha.  I was driving down the road and decided that I was going to try being a centrist.  I drove straight down the middle and it was so weird because there were all these people in the oncoming lane honking at me and people behind who were looking at me like I was crazy.

Once I got to the grocery store, I parked my cart right in the center of every aisle.  None could pass on either side until I was done with my casual review of the store shelves and putting my selections in my basket.

Later when I went out to a party, I decided to stand in the front doorway.  I couldn't go in entirely, but I couldn't be outside.  I needed to be in the center.  The hostess was somewhat annoyed at having to let her guests in through the back door so as to get them into the house, but I stood my ground.  I did.  

I called my family and friends and informed them of my new found centrist philosophy and explained to them that effectively, from this point forward, that makes me the center of the universe.  Any actions taken by them shall hence forth be moderated by me.  If one of them wants a sandwich for lunch, they only get half a sandwich.  If they want to go on vacation, they have to tell me what their proposed budget is and I will cut it back to an appropriate level as dictated by me and only me.  If they want to wear bright colors, I am going to insist on pastels.

One of the tasks that I most look forward to is moderating when someone is incredibly happy and excited about something happening in their lives.  I will always have a devastating tale of woe on hand, just to moderate the joy.  If they are going to get a really fantastic deal on a car or a house, I am going to call the sales folks and suggest that the deal is just "too good" for them.  Living a life of centerism means that you have to live in moderation no matter what.  For instance, if someone needs a course of chemotherapy in order to assist them in battling cancer, I am going to lobby for them either getting half of what is needed or making sure that they pay out-of-pocket for it.  Because how else will they learn?

As a moderate centrist, I fully support Toyota's apparent plan to address their accelleration and breaking problems by offering a fix that might not fix the problem.  I think that teaching their customers how to drive better so that Toyota doesn't have to go to the great expense of actually addressing what might be computer problems would be a very reasonable compromise.  Because the customers should learn how to protect themselves; and we can't let the corporation go bankrupt or offend the Japanese.  It would be just to extreme to ask Toyota to spend the large sums of money to actually fix the problems with their cars when people could easily adapt to not having control over their accelerators or breaks.

Which brings me to tort reform.  As a centrist moderate type person, it seems to me, that I should oppose people suing people or corporations for wrong-doing.  It is just too extreme to allow someone crippled for life to foist the burden of their life onto others.  Plus, there's the added insult to my delicate sensibilities that these sometimes gruesome court cases and their silly facts reveal.  Americans just don't need to be exposed to those horrific stories. Unless, and this is important, these stories are created by some terrorist and then I am all for plastering the gorey deatils absolutely everywhere.  I'll go down to the local nursery school with graphic photographs of bloodied humans and cute maimed animals and scare the living shit out of those three and four year-olds because, well, they NEED to know.  You may ask how this could be "moderate" or "centerist" and I will tell you how.  Those little tikes think that the world is a pretty nice place.  It is my job to moderate them - bring them to the center of reality.

You see, as a centrist it is my job to moderate everything and everyone.  I define the zone of what is "The Center".  You STFU and follow my instructions.  You are the extremist and you require my guidance.  I am the moderate centrist type person.  That's why you STFU and follow my instructions.  That's the way it works.  Got it?  Okay good.

Originally posted to inclusiveheart on Tue Mar 09, 2010 at 02:46 PM PST.


Centerism is the ONE and ONLY Way - Even when driving on a windy two-lane road?

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