Now that the Democrats have won and we have universal socialism in the United Socialist States of America, let’s consider what that means for all of us…
First: All managers and clerical staff now change places and pay rates. Upper management is now in charge of day care. No need to turn in the keys to the executive washroom, we are just installing a changing table. You will figure out how to use it soon enough. The clerical staff has been in charge all along so the operation of most businesses will not change significantly.
If you own a house smaller than 2000 square feet you may now demand a swap with anyone with a house larger than 4000 square feet. If you were renting before, you are now owning. Congratulations, you are also eligible for the swap.
The department of education and the department of defense now swap budgets as well. We are expecting the first of many DoD bake sales in the coming weeks. This is in anticipation of our eventual annexation by Canada. All hail our Canadian overlords. Please be patient while we learn your national anthem.
Drug use is not just legal, it is mandatory. If this will be your first trip, you may wish to hire an experienced drug user for guidance. For this reason we anticipate full employment for most drug users being released from Prison. After all, we have to make room in our prisons for the rest of Bernie Madoff’s friends from Wall Street.
We will soon commence with the two-day workweek and five-day weekend. In addition to Summers off, students now have off Fall and Spring. All education is to occur during the first and last week of Winter, and will involve an introduction to Winter and Spring sports respectively. Don’t worry that your children will be home more often, they will usually be too busy playing to come home at all.
The speed limit on the road is now the speed of sound. If you are going faster than that you should be in an airplane anyways. Speaking of which, it is 2010 already. When do we get our flying cars like in the Jetsons? We were promised flying cars!