It's a new day in America. Barack 'The Duke' Obama defeated the Republican Napoleons at Waterloo, and The Law Of The Land stands.
But not according to Republicans. Attorneys General in thirteen states (McKenna in Washington state, McCollum in Florida, Corbett in Pennsylvania, etc.) are filing lawsuits against the healthcare reform. Because they'll be DAMNED if an eight year-old stroke victims can't be denied for profit reasons (and yes, they do exist). It's no surprise that many of these men are seeking higher office.
There's just one problem for the Republicans in trying to determine freedom versus goods and services in America.
This guy.
Look at that fine duck. I'd certainly want to emulate such an upstanding cartoon part of American culture. And I don't mean in an Elton John way.
I don't mean LARPing around in a foam costume. If I wanted to do that, I'd ask my wife for a sweet Stormtrooper costume and apply to join the 501st (Vader's Fist). No, I mean I will wear what Donald Duck is wearing. Sailor's hat. Blue and yellow blazer, bow tie.
And nothing below the belly button. Because those are the only clothes I have.
Now we come to the predicament. If I adorn myself in my clothes, and saunter off down the street, I run into a small problem. You see, the law says that I have to dress decently. I think the costume is pretty freaking decent in and of itself, but a judge may think otherwise. So I would be forced, against my will and freedom, to cover my meat and two veg.
But where, I hear you ask, am I going to get pants, or a sari, or a kilt? I have none. And I have nothing which could double as such. My house is bereft of sacks and curtains (we're a Venetian blind household).
Many of you are probably thinking of a few solutions to this predicament. Some of you may actually be vocalizing those solutions, to which I say: SPEAK UP, I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
One solution is that I steal an item of clothing, or a length of cloth from somewhere. Two problems there. First, I'd have to leave the house to do so. And secondly, I'm pretty certain that's not legal.
A second idea is that I could make my own. Two problems there too. The first is that I have nothing with which to make a modesty sack (let's face it: that's the limit of my needlework skills). The second is, well, wouldn't that be the government forcing me to work against my will for no pay? I'm no fancy Attorney General, but even I know the Thirteenth Amendment abolished that in 1865. And you wouldn't be suggesting the government forces me into slavery to perform this service, would you? No. Not even with cash-and-prizes as wrinkled and old as mine.
The third suggestion is the most obvious. We're a consumer society. Buy a pair of pants for the love of Pete. But wait. Isn't that the whole crux of the lawsuits the Republicans are bringing? Let's see what reason these (apparently, so they'd tell us) learned people have for bringing this lawsuit to the fore...
"the Constitution nowhere authorizes the United States to mandate, either directly or under threat of penalty, that all citizens and legal residents have qualifying health care coverage."
Well, the Constitution nowhere authorizes the United States to mandate, either directly or under threat of penalty, that all citizens and legal residents have to keep their junk out of your sight and thus spoiling your breakfast. But there are Laws, just as shown by the Supreme Court with Barnes v. Glen Theatre, Inc. 501 U.S. 560 (1991), where the Supreme Court ruled that Indiana's public indecency law prohibiting total nudity in public places didn't violate the First Amendment because the law was clearly within the State's constitutional power. Because it furthered a substantial governmental interest in protecting societal order and morality.
In effect, the Supreme Court mandated, either directly or under threat of penalty, that all citizens and legal residents throw some clothes on and stop wasting everybodys time.
And that's why these Republican AGs know DUCK about laws and freedom!