Now, See Heare!
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Jesse James is a Dumb Man, And Other Celebrity Dating Fails: A Rant.
Jesse,
Are you freaking kidding me?
Of all the women in all the countries in the world you're married to, you had to step out on her for some biker chick with a swastika tattoo? Dude. Maybe I'd understand if it were Elin Nordegren. I might even forgive you if it were Octomom. But that chick? Over Sandra Bullock, with those beautiful legs?
What a douche you are.
Now I understand why you wouldn't call her to raise some cash in your stint on the Celebrity Apprentice last year. Maybe The Donald had you pegged all along:
Donald switches over to Jesse. Annie thinks that he did well on certain aspects, but that he didn't always listen to suggestions. Donald can't figure out why Sandra Bullock married Jesse, since he's so laid-back. He determines that Jesse must be great in bed. This is the first time I've seen Jesse grin ear to ear. --Angel Cohn, Television Without Pity
Do y'all understand why I'm so over famous people getting married? Dudes who have no business marrying the wives they have get lucky enough to get those wives, and it still ain't good enough for them. Yes, I'm talking to you, Eldrick. (That's a whole separate rant in and of itself.) Or, they're just white-collar scumbags, like that Folleri guy. What the hell, man...what is it about that place that makes people so damn crazy in mate choices?
How about this novel concept: when you feel the urge to get married, don't. When pressured to get married, resist. You'd save more money by NOT having the $1.5 million getaway wedding, only to turn around and have a $3 million divorce hearing later.
Which then makes Reggie Bush the smartest athlete in the NFL. No, I'm not joking. While everyone's crying crocodile tears for Kim Kardashian on the cover of People, if you saw their appearances after Super Bowl XLIV, you could tell Reggie was checking out of that deal. They might spin it as him “not wanting to deal with [Kim's] fame”, but I see it clear as day—Kim was a cling-on, almost in the mode of Jessica Simpson, and you never saw them so much on the same screen together as much as you did from January 2010 to now. So he cut his losses. See? Smart. No kids, no big wedding, no alimony payments. Clean break=smart.
And we thought it was bad when it was Pat O'Brien leaving drunken voice mails to women...by comparison to those alleged lurid Tiger e-mails recently, O'Brien is tame by comparison.
Rant over.
Scheduled LIVE tonight on your local CBS stations: More "How to Train Your Dragon" promotion with actor Jonah Hill, more CBS in-house promotion with actress Emily Proctor from CSI: Miami [Vice], and the musical stylings of Mishka. No, I've never heard of Mishka. And Mishka's a guy, FWIW. This will be the last live show of the week, as NCAA basketball will push CBS late night into oblivion. Enjoy!
I guess I've drafted into an Army. Craig explains...
Alright, titles and the Mono:
Fireside Chat:
And now, joining Craig for TweetMail Time...Regis Philbin!
Craig's in a movie. Okay, so it's his voice. But, Jay Baruchel's in it with him. Hence...
Okay...this is a Vegas lounge act. Two things: 1. Joy Phibin is kinda hot. What? 2. How did Bill Clinton get...oh...wait...
Never mind. It wasn't Clinton. It was Rod Stewart.