In a stunning ruling by the US Supreme Court in the case of Taitz vs. Obama, the court, divided on a 5-4 decision, has ruled that President Obama is actually an "Imaginary-American" and thus is ineligible to hold the office of President.
Additionally, enough other people have been found to be Imaginary that the 2008 Presidential Election results have been reversed, giving Senator John McCain of Arizona a stunning, if not delayed, victory in that race.
"We have found that the person whom most conservatives believed to be President - someone not born in the United States, who has raised taxes, and otherwise rules using a Socialist ideology - simply does not exist," summed up the opinion written by Chief Justice Roberts. "In fact, tens of millions of Americans are found to simply not exist."
The ruling also gives the GOP shocking super-majorities in both houses of Congress until the nearly 50 Senators and 200 Congressmen who have been found to be Imaginary can be replaced.
Senator John McCain, who is expected to take the oath of office by the end of the night tonight, was reported to have said that he didn't know who ruled no in the ruling that said no to Obama. Either that, or McCain was just continually saying "no" out of habit with some grumps mixed in.
Meanwhile, soon-to-be-Vice President Sarah Palin was much more enthusiastic.
"I can't wait until I can quit being Vice President!" the former Alaskan Governor said after attending a Tea Party event in New Jersey.
Some supporters of Barack Obama were also shocked and disappointed.
"I thought I was voting for someone real. I never knew that Obama had tricked us all into believing that he was anything other than a figment of our imagination!" remarked Susan Vaughn, a mother of three from Akron, Ohio, who was busy taking the Obama-Biden bumper stickers off of her minivan.
The decision isn't without controversy, however. "The majority's opinion seems to be based on the assumption that only the beliefs of conservatives are the true beliefs and facts of the case," wrote the newest member of the court, Justice Sotomayor.
However, political pundit David Broder saw this as a perfectly acceptable interpretation. "It's clear that whatever conservatives say is the case is always true. In this case, the court found that the person they said exist just plain didn't. Since it's not possible for conservatives to be wrong, the only conclusion is that the person who thought was Barack Obama just simply doesn't exist."
We are awaiting comments from Democratic politicians as well as liberal blogs, but since they have also been deemed to not exist, it would be journalisticly unprofessional to listen to any comments from non-existant sources such as blogs.
When asked, newly minted Speaker of the House John Boehner believed that this ruling proves that they were right all along in the recently concluded health care debate.
"We knew that real Americans out there opposed this bill, and this ruling just shows that to be the case." Boehnor declined to comment whether he would move to repeal Health Care plan recently signed by the Imaginary President. "I would be reluctant to repeal many of the good reforms included in this bill. However, it's possible that the courts might strike down the law as also being Imaginary."