Damn those Europeans and their socialist volcano monitoring. Thanks to them, tens of thousands of travelers are trapped across Western Europe due to some minor ash explosion under some glacier in Iceland. Isn't that all they have there anyway? I mean, the place is CALLED "Iceland", not "Volcanoland".
It’s not like it’s a big deal – it’s just volcanic ash, and it’s not really a big eruption anyway. It just floats around in the air and doesn't hurt anyone.
And who cares about Iceland, anyway? I mean, they’re a teeny country, and pretty much nothing after their economy collapsed thanks to the derivatives market disaster last year. And their Prime Minister is a lesbian. I mean, seriously, they’re obviously stupid to have invested in the markets, and what's more, immoral enough to have elected a (shudder) gay person as their national leader, so they deserve this.
Why these San-Francisco-style socialist Scandinavians need to inflict their natural disasters on the rest of us, I just don’t know. They hate democracy, so it makes sense that this would be their way of disrupting the democratic process in other countries. I mean, any moment now I expect a clarifying story from FOX News decrying this obvious disruption of the free market by this union of volcanic socialists. We must remind people that it’s perfectly safe to fly, and that the market demands that people be able to choose whether or not they wish to board a plane under all conditions. Wait...no? I mean, seriously, it’s socialist to restrain the market when people need to have freedom of choice!
What is this world coming to?!
Really, these Icelanders should keep their frozen/burning wasteland’s problems to themselves. This is beginning to affect Real Americans. Lord knows we don’t need that volcano monitoring shit happening here. As a moral, upstanding, Christian nation, we don’t have the same problems Iceland does. Well, except in those liberal states.