How I Inadvertently Tuned In to George Stephanopoulis
and Wished for a Nuclear Incident in My TV Tube
You could see the strain on his face.
Poor George had a terrible itch and he was dying to scratch it.
His fanny cheeks were probably gliding back and forth across his seat, just out of the camera's sight.
The President wasn't making George's discomfort any easier as he continued on, with consummate seriousness, patiently explaining the critical need to sign a new non-proliferation treaty with Russia while simultaneously calling for a Worldwide initiative to degrade and safely store weapons-grade nuclear materials.
Forget the fact that securing loose fissionable goop may be the most critical issue the World has ever needed to address, and that this President had just taken the first critical baby step in rescuing that same World from the brink of nuclear terrorism.
George's mind was hopelessly elsewhere.
George Stephanopoulis appeared bored by the substantive discussion on nukes and was obviously paying little attention to the President's answers (clue: He smirked right through terms like nuclear proliferation ). George seemed consumed with anxiety and excitement. The interview was already half over and he knew his radioactive zinger had to be smuggled into the conversion soon, or never - and the latter meant facing the wrath of his Wingnut handlers back at the Mickey Mouse Network. After all, this would be the exchange played, and replayed ad nauseum, on every media outlet and blog in the Country.
George mentality set his verbal timer as the President summed up a 3rd thoughtful answer to the 3rd and most vapid of 3 brain-dead questions. By now, a lesser man (me) would have strangled George, but as usual, the President remained consummately patient:
OBAMA: ... so (It) is absolutely vital for us to deal with the broader issues of nuclear proliferation, that are probably the number one threat that we face in the future.
As the President paused, George pounced.
It was time for the "gotcha" in the form of a quoted rebuttal from the President's most expert of self-appointed critics on the subject of nukes and all things warry and deathy:
STEPHANOPOULOS: I want to get to some of those broader issues. Because you're also facing criticism on that. Sarah Palin, taking aim at your decision to restrict the use of nuclear weapons. Your pledge not to strike nations, non-nuclear nations, who abide by the nonproliferation treaty. Here's what she said. She said, "It's unbelievable, no other administration would do it." And then she likened it to kids on the playground. She said you're like a kid who says, "Punch me in the face, and I'm not going to retaliate." Your response?
How does one respond to Miss Teen South Carolina, except to say "thank you and have a great day."
OBAMA: I really have no response. Because last I checked, Sarah Palin's not much of an expert on nuclear issues.
It would have taken me 3 days to come up with a put-down as restrained as that one. How can he stay so cool?
STEPHANOPOULOS: But the string of criticism has been out there among other Republicans as well. They think you're restricting use of nuclear weapons too much.
Oh God - Criticism not just from Sarah, but from other Republicans, as well.
Who would have thunk it?
The President should resign this minute or be impeached!
OBAMA: And what I would say to them is that if the secretary of defense and the chairman of the Joints Chiefs of Staff are comfortable with it, I'm probably going to take my advice from them and not from Sarah Palin.
Now that was modest. The President didn't rub it in by mentioning the fact that Ronald Reagan wanted to flat-out ban all nukes.
STEPHANOPOULOS: But not concerned about her criticisms?
Gotcha! The President can't possibly say "no."
OBAMA: No.
Oh geez. Now he's done it. The President just pooh-poohed Sarah's valuable and learned counsel.
You just knew that somebody was going to tattle to the Queen of Mean - and she was going to be real pissed when word reached her somewhere along the Magical Money tour. You could set your watch on Sarah doing her winky sarcasmy thing.
She was about to go all "nucular" on the President.
The Media held it's wheezing, shallow breath.
Suddenly, there she was - with cameras whirring, teleprompters buzzing, the mob foaming from a collective case of distemper.
.
PALIN: Now, the president, with all the vast nuclear experience that he acquired as a community organizer, as a part-time senator, and as a full-time candidate, all that experience, still no accomplishment to date with North Korea and Iran.
Ouch! a whole year in office and he still hasn't bombed either country. What a wuss! But what do you expect from a guy who deliberately spent a year away from college to work as a community organizer just to help silly old inner-city families before continuing his education at Harvard Law. After graduating with high honors, he still wouldn't seek a real job - instead becoming a distinguished Professor of Constitutional Law at the University of Chicago. He was offered tenure, but turned it down. Figures! That shiftless oBama can't hold down a job. Instead, he chose to serve his country by seeking political office, spending the next 8 years as a State Senator, then winning a seat in the United States Senate by a landslide. After just one term, he was accidentally elected President of the United States of America when 53% of the voting machines failed to be properly rigged by Diebold. Combined, three out of those four guys on Mount Rushmore had less elected experience than Barack Obama had when he entered the Presidency. What was this uppity N.... black person trying to prove?
But Big deal! Palin's rise to greatness is far loftier. First, she dropped out of Junior college 5 times to pursue a real American job, rising to to the exalted title of Miss First Runner Up in her State beauty pageant. Now that's pulling yourself up by your own bikini! This real American woman went on to defend Alaska by risking her life slaughtering fuzzy little wolf pups with an AR-15 from a fast-moving piper cub, blowing their little anti-American brains all over the white Alaskan tundra . And she accomplished all this between her monthly meetings at the local Secessionist club. After popping out her own pack of youngins like a rapid-fire Pez dispenser, Sarah went on to become, as Keith Olbermann calls her, "the ex-half governor of Alaska." Next was the Silver medal in the Vice Presidential race. Finally, she donned her skin-tight black leather zip-up jacket and was immediately recognized as the Middle-Age Republican Club's choice for most riveting pair to watch since the Brittenum twins were kicked off of American idol.
This is a woman who wrote a book, but never actually read one.
A truly great American success story by anyone's measure.
So suck on that, Obama, you terrorist hugging, Hitler heiling foreigner, you.
Sarah Palin is the darling of the American Media cabal.
Her followers consider her an International celebrity (where have we heard that term, before?)
The networks' tippy-top pundits jump into action on Sister Sarah's every flatulence.
Her speeches command $100,000 a performance and she doesn't even have to supply her own bendable straws (sigh).
And why not? Because Sarah is Henry Kissinger and Miss Teen South Carolina all rolled into one - like such as.
She's the Brundle-Fly of American politics, and we know whose DNA prevailed.
Still, there are questions:
What exactly is a "NUCULAR attack?"
Does it affect the nucous nembrane, and am I at risk of catching it?
PS - Thanks for that last link Sunbro. I shamelessly requisitioned it.