I'm-- I'm so sorry if this is disjointed (WHOOOSH) or confusing (WHOOSH), but-- I find myself the middle of a disaster of unprecedented proportions (WHOOOSH) and -- oh the humanity -- I'm having a hard time understanding how we progressives (WHOOOSH) (WHOOOSH) could ever let this happen!?
You see, I live in Southern California... just north of the Tehachapi Pass Wind Farm... and this morning a gang of lipstick lesbians lost control of their motorcycles and CRASHED into one of the turbines and now...
THERE IS (WHOOOSH) FUCKING WIND (WHOOOSH) EVERYWHERE!!!!
There's wind on the ground and over the water and filling the sky in a way God never, ever, intended (WHOOOSH) and -- as it spills out uncontrollably -- blowing at speeds (WHOOOSH) fast enough to lift up cows and houses and allegorical crones on bicycles I'm reminded of the opening scene of the environmental disaster film The Wizard Of Oz. (In fact FEMA is (WHOOOSH) dispatching the Army Corps of Engineers just in case someone gets trapped (WHOOOSH) under a house!)
We got cell phone calls all over the ground... fax transmissions smashed through the windshields of cars... and iPhone data strewn from Sacramento to the Mexican boarder.
How in God's name (TUMBLEWEED BLOWS BY) are we going to breathe with all this air in the air?
How are we (AUTOMOBILE BLOWS BY) going to clean it up?
How are animals going to survive when their natural habitat has been contaminated by all this 02?!
(THIS BEING SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA... FREE-RANGE BREAST IMPLANT BLOWS BY!)
And the State has been REALLY slow to respond.
YES, there are now kites in the air. And YES the WSA (Weathervain Society of America) is rushing to the site with all the farm fowl inspired roof art that they have in their arsenal. But why Governor Schwarzenegger hasn't dispatched the hot air balloons... NOBODY KNOWS.
But the worse part... I now find out that some asshole in the GREEN MOVEMENT allowed these WIND FARMS to be built right near SOLAR FARMS and so (WHOOOSH) what is going to happen when all this extra wind somehow manages to DESTROY THE SOLAR FARM and (WHOOOSH) next thing we know... we're dealing with THE FUCKING SUN SPILLING ALL OVER THE DESERT!
WHY DIDN'T WE LISTEN TO THE REPUBLICANS AND STICK WITH A SAFE ENERGY SOURCE LIKE OIL!?!?!
In an absolutely un-wind-related matter, me on twitter: JeffLieber