How do you thank someone, a total stranger, who volunteered to save your husband's life?
Many of you know that my husband, Dan, was a US Vietnam vet who survived torture. Some of you know that Dan was on dialysis for the last two years of his life and that he was offered two kidneys, from total strangers in the two weeks before he died, but only one of you knows the whole story. My heart has been filled to overflowing with the way that this community has taken Dan and me into its heart. Thank you. One month from today is the fifth anniversary of Dan's fatal heart attack, so I thought I would share the whole story, and a couple of ways you can help me honour one of the heroic women who wanted to save his life.
It all began in January of 2005. Dan had been dialysis since June of 2003 and was getting through each day at a time, but it was taking its toll, on his body, but also on his spirit. Dialysis is a hard road, there are many days where nausea takes over, where pain is overwhelming, where exhaustion and pain make it difficult to impossible to even get out of bed. In addition, it often robs you of your physical strength, especially if your arms and legs. The psychological toll is also immense, especially for those dialyzing in a center, because they have three or four days of their lives each and every week taken over by dialysis. Then there is the diet, which is vital. Dialysis doesn't take all of the potasium or phosphorus out of the patient's system, so the foods with those elements in them are strictly regulated in the patients diets, because a buildup can be deadly. Food was a huge issue in Dan's life, There was never enough to fill the emotional hole left by the food deprivation he had suffered while in Vietnam. Not that he had to eat everything, but he had to have the choice to eat what he wanted. Dan's favourite foods included potatoes, tomatoes, bananas, and grapefruit/orange juice, all very high in the problematic nutients, so he was even robbed of the ability to eat the foods that gave him the most pleasure. I tried with every I had to give him a life he could take pleasure in outside the hospitals and doctors needed to save his life, but it was a huge problem.
Then, in Januaray of 2005, I was changing channels on our tv, and happened to flick to American Idol. Yes, I know what you're saying "American Idol? Ewww" or "American Idol? What does that have to do with it?" As they say, God (or whoever or fate) works in mysterious ways. We had never really watched Idol before, but when I turned it on, both Dan and I were transfixed by the voice and presence of the man who was singing, Bo Bice. Bo is a long-haired (well he cut it a bit recently, but) rocker-dude from Alabama. Both of us became immediate fans. Over the next week I learned how to download videos to my computer and to burn them to cds and each week I would download that weeks song from Bo, along with his past performances, and Dan would listen to them in his dialysis chair. It made such a difference in his life, because it took him away from the pain and nausea and the hospitals and doctors, to a place where he could "Drift Away" into the music.
Three days after Idol ended, with Carrie Underwood winning over Bo, Bo and Carrie and Randy and Paula and Simon were on Larry King. When we found out Bo was going to be there, I told Dan that he needed to phone in to tell Bo how much he had helped him get through his treatments. We started calling an hour before the show, and finally got through, after being put through by a producer, with ten minutes left. The producer had told Dan that he needed to ask Bo a question, so Dan asked him if he was going to shave his beard and mustache off, but he also told Bo about being a dialysis and how much Bo's music had gotten through each day. When Bo realized what this phone call was all about, his eyes changed. They had a real heart to heart soul connection.
After the phone call ended, Dan was on the ceiling bouncing with excitement. After a bit, I got him down for a nap, and began to realize that I needed to thank Bo for what he had done. So, I wrote an open thank you letter and looked for places to post it on the internet where I hoped Bo would see it. I posted it to several of his fan web sites, and to his then personal band web site. The extraordinary thing was that before I even posted people were already taking about the phone call. Over the course of the next two and a half days, we received over 600 messages from around the world, full of love and hugs and blessings and prayers. Dan and I were completely amazed and awed by all of this. Dan kept saying "But what have I done? Why me? " I kept telling him that he was a hero, but it only became even partly real as the messages poured in. The phone call had been on Friday. Three days later, the Sunday, was Dan's birthday, so I got to share with him how love and special he was on his birthday.
We became adopted into the Sugar Money family and continued to talk with them online during the next week, and at the end of the next week we recieved the most amazing, most humbling, most incomprehensibly wonderful, most miraculous email. A fan of Bo's, a woman from the east coast, wanted to donate her kidney to Dan !!!!! It took me an hour to get coherent enough to wake Dan up to tell him. Once I did, it took us another hour to get coherent enough to write a response to her unbelievable generocity. We had our miracle ! It turned out the woman was not a blood match for Dan, and very sadly, due to a computer melt down, we have lost touch, but she will always be a hero in my eyes, because she was so unbelievably brave and generous.
A week after the first woman's email, another woman, also a fan of Bo's, volunteered her kidney. Truly, there were no words to express how blessed we felt, and how blessed I still feel. So many miracles in two weeks is beyond words, and beyond the brain or heart to really take in. This second woman was a blood match for Dan, and had previously donated her bone marrow, so we were likely within weeks of a transplant. Three days later, Dan had his heart attack and didn't come back.
Now, you may say that because there was no transplant there was no miracle, but I believe, with my whole entire heart, that the miracle was that before Dan left he knew without a doubt that he was well and truly loved, and just how much people were willing to do to save his life. From the people who took him back and forth to dialysis for two years, to the people from around the world who wrote messages of love and support, to the two extraordinary women who volunteered actual parts of their bodies to save his life, they were miracles of love.
So, five years later, I was thinking about how to mark the extraordinary gift of love that the woman I am still in touch with gave to Dan and to me, and it occurred to me that one of our Kossack lovecatcher quilts would be the perfect gift :) So, I asked Sara, and she said yes, she would make a quilt for this amazing woman. But I need your help. If you would like to send a message to this heroic woman, to surrounded her with the love that she blessed Dan and me with, please leave a message below, or you can email it to me or to Sara. Sara has also set up a Paypal account, to pay for the quilt, as I am multiply disabled and still recovering financially from being without my breadwinner. If you are moved to help, I would be grateful.
https://www.paypal.com/...
Here is one of the community quilts that Sara and her sister have created for members of our community. This one is for Charles Curtis Stanley, the beloved husband of of our Kitsap River, who is on dialysis.:
Another way to thank the heroic woman who volunteered to save Dan's life is to support her favourite charity, which is Furry Friends Haven. It is a no-kill animal shelter in Kanab, Utah. Here is the link:
http://www.furryfriendshaven.com/...
Bless you all, and thank you for your kindness and for taking Dan into your hearts and surrounding him with such love and for surrounding me with such love.
With gratitude,
Love and Hugs,
For Dan,
Heather