Don't say I didn't warn you. Frankly, I'm fed up with stupid people. I realize I've been on a meta streak lately, but "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in." I've written several non-meta diaries, but on many occasions they still seemed to attract people who insisted the diary was meta, and condemned some random turn of phrase or philosophical aside as a Hitler-esque bombardment of "progressives" (i.e., they and all who agree 100% with them on all issues at all times). Discussing - let alone thinking about - anything I actually wrote would have just been too bourgeois for them, so I'm dedicating this diary to everything I'm not writing. In other words, you don't have to read a single word of it to comment - I absolve you of any such ethical obligation. Just comment on whatever random fucking moron impulse flits through your jellybean.
I could write a diary about the oil spill, coming up with ideas for how we can help, but what would be the point? Some circle-reccing claque of raving narcissist assholes would descend like vultures and declare that I was writing a meta diary blaming progressives for the oil spill. It would be like Tommy in Goodfellas: "What, like we're just clowns who don't know what we're doing? We need you to tell us how to help? We're just helpless little people who need your advice? Well fuck you, McBushlin!" (+46 / -0)
Followed, of course, by 10 or 20 virtually identical statements, but sprinkled with the occasional concern troll who clucks their tongue and "Can't believe anyone would blame progressives for the oil spill." (+17 / -0) Maybe every fourth comment would be a sentient being saying something about the diary as written in this universe. "I don't know how these people could possibly interpret the diary like that, but here's what I think..." (+1 / -0) Despite my efforts to keep this latter group engaged, most are chased off by the toxic sewage spewed by the Committee for WATB Rights (CWAR). Here is an image of CWAR:
The nutters might, of course, engage in a running colloquy to share with each other just how un-progressive I am, how the diary is tantamount to Mein Kampf, and how I'm always conspiring to shut them up and/or have their pets assassinated. They would give each other emotional support for having experienced the trauma of a diary written by someone who sometime in the distant past said something they disagreed with - a horror they are cruelly reminded of by my continued insistence on existing, and (Oh the humanity!) failing to clear the content of my diaries with them before posting.
Hypothetical diary: I Stopped The Oilpocalypse. Diary introduction: "Well, that does it, folks. It was hard work, but I have personally managed to shut down the oil spewing into the Gulf of Mexico and clean up what had already been spilled. I lost some limbs in the process, went bankrupt, am now homeless as a result, and BP is pressing criminal charges against me for interfering with their equipment, but I guess it was worth it." First comment: "So you're saying progressives failed to stop it? You're saying it's all our fault? That is such bullshit! I'm sick and tired of you bashing the Left. You're just like Rush Limbaugh." (+56 / -0) Second comment: "Thank you. Your efforts are greatly appreciated." (+1 / -4) Response to second comment by first commenter: "HR'd for fascistic toadying. Why don't you just lick his balls while you're at it?"
But maybe there's just too much emotion surrounding these major current events. Perhaps I could post a more obscure, contemplative diary...The Philosophy of Winemaking. Content: A loving exploration of the history, culture, and practices of winemaking, and a discussion of various wines. First comment: "I like good wine, but I just don't see how you can blame progressives for bad wine. What's wrong with you? Why do you keep posting all this crazy meta? Just shut your stupid corporatist Liebernazi mouth, Fucky McFuckstick!" (+18 / -0) My response to first comment: "Huh? Where do you get the idea I'm blaming progressives for bad wine? And since I am a progressive, why would I be blaming myself?" (+2 / -0) Response to my response: "Oh, here come the straw men! Strawy McStrawfucker to the rescue! Did Glenn Beck write that for you? You make me sick." (+9 / -0)
Perhaps I could post a blank diary. First response: "How dare you!" (+72 / -0) Most of the people who rec the first comment will think it's snark. It isn't. The commenter is serious, and will proceed to conduct a running dialog in response to statements only they can see. Actually responding to them would be very distracting for them, and cause them great irritation. "Stop interfering! Do you mind? I'm in the middle of a conversation with you. Butt out."
Or perhaps I could just make a nice photo diary, with a bare minimum of text:
Comment: "You're saying progressives are wispy and ephemeral? Far be it from me to read too much into it, but I dare say your image is homophobic and also suggests you support Arizona's anti-immigrant law. I mean, how can you honestly do that? Why do you hate gays? Why do you hate immigrants? Maybe you belong on Redstate, Herr Ubermensch." (+46 / -0)
Since these dingleberries interpret every thread as an open forum to explore their own insecurities rather than share thoughts and observations, I'm designating this an Open Thread. Still, I fully expect to be attacked for implicitly smearing progressives by allowing for the theoretical possibility that someone could post an anti-progressive comment. You see, by doing so, I'm trying to suppress free speech. That's what Open Threads are all about: Enforcing the party line, crushing dissent, and throwing people under the bus. Open Thread wants to fellate Republicans, and is a puppet of the corporatist agenda. Open Thread exists to shut you up and impose fascism.