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Speed Demons Get Caught.
As you know, I’ve been shuttling back and forth between here and Pittsburgh the last few days, as we had my sister over so she could watch the End of Television, aka the Series Finale of Lost. Tonight’s diary is inspired by an event that transpired as Mom and I were traveling a spur of the Pennsylvania Turnpike, PA State Route 43.
We were cruising along on this toll road that goes through mostly countryside of Southwestern Pennsylvania--there were barely any cars on it at all--and headed toward a city called Uniontown. Why Uniontown? There’s a Sonic Drive-In there, and I wanted tater tots and corn dogs.
So, as we’re driving along, coming off of U.S. Route 40, this small white car with two dudes inside jumps us on the exit ramp, and speeds up on the highway, doing at least 80 MPH. We’re cruising at about 65 MPH. No one else on the highway but us and them.
We hit a toll booth about two miles up. They were in there so long, that by the time we pulled in, fed the dollar into the machine, and got out of there, we were almost a quarter mile up the road before they got out of the gate.
What happened next was classic.
So, we got off at the next exit up—some back road that would connect us with U.S. 40 again, and get us down to the shopping center where the Sonic was. The car that was behind us moments earlier sped up to 80+ MPH again. We go onto the exit ramp and let them go, but as we’re going up the ramp, I see the car check up hard. I thought at first they had missed the exit.
When I looked again, I saw a familiar looking navy-gold safety pattern on a white car with flashing lights. That’s right; the official car of the Pennsylvania State Police nabbed them, and they were hiding right under the overpass where the exit was. Mom and I never saw the police car, but it wouldn’t have mattered—we were going slightly above the limit (65 MPH) and they were coming up on their radar quick, so those two would have gotten nabbed anyway.
As one who has been caught twice on the Pennsylvania Turnpike by the same police, I know not to speed in Pennsylvania, or anywhere for that matter—you think you know where those cops are hiding, and then they surprise you by hiding in a bunker you never saw coming. They’re that good.
Another story; about 10 years ago, we were driving up U.S. Route 1 in central North Carolina one morning, on our way home, and we saw three cars racing along in the left lane. A fourth one, a SUV, appeared out of nowhere, pulls up in front of the racing vehicles, rolls down the window, and points at every single car involved in their little race. I’m not sure if they were County or State Trooper; all I know is, it was the Police, and they got all three at once. That was an all-time epic.
So, please, if you’re driving out there, be cool. Not every highway is Montana, where the top limit is 80, and it takes light years to get from one town to another. The police don’t want to stop you, but they sure as shit don’t want to stop everyone else because you and your car are busted up in the middle of their roadway.
My hope is that they gave them the same $120 ticket they gave to me, for reckless driving. Because, seriously. It’s not NASCAR out there.
Scheduled on the CraigyFerg show: Antonio Banderas to promote "Shrek Forever After", and Paula Poundstone...everything else, I haven't a clue about.
Open:
Monologue:
Tim Gunn has some style tips for you:
Judd Apatow:
This is funny. It features a...puppet bunny.