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After years of finding endless ways to market to themselves, make themselves objects for glorification and advertising, or otherwise commodify their daily lives, the American people have officially declared that they are bored and tired.  Even American Idol may not survive this affliction of ennui and diffidence.

Walmart and Target stores are now reporting that numerous people in franchises throughout the country appear to be endlessly wandering around with empty shopping baskets and nothing to buy.  Stocks of 24 pack baby wipes and carpert cleaner line the shelves of Costco and Sam's Club, yet most people appear to tinker with a few toys at the front of the store, find a few necessities, then promptly leave.  Even food courts at shopping malls we checked with observed proposed customers walking up to their counters, looking at their menus, then walking away, occasionally uttering a 'hmmm' or a slightly uttered sigh.

Cable networks throughout the country now list the Discovery and History Channels as the most common channels switched to, yet for unknown reasons viewers appear only willing to watch a few minutes of 'Axe Men' before switching further.  On occasion numerous viewers have been witnessed viewing an entire History Channel discussion of the Black Plague, but the incidence of such educational programming on the network provides an insignificant sampling to discuss possible trends.

Public libraries have noted an increase in patrons wandering through their doors looking for intelligent information.  Yet, employees appear to be frustrated by endless questions concerning the transmutation of the physical books in the library to ebooks patrons can upload onto their Kindles and read at a later time.  One library employee was witnessed as saying:  "Look!  It is a book.  There are words on a page, just like you see on your gadget there.  Read it!"  The patron just stared, unable to cognate the employee's reaction, then left without the book.

I know this is a piece suitable for the Onion, but a man can dream.

Originally posted to tecampbell on Thu May 27, 2010 at 11:43 PM PDT.

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