Good and principled People of North Korea!
If your diligent work for the State made you unable to tune in to today's special radio broadcast, you do not yet know that our Great Leader Kim Jong Il himself scored 11 goals to lead the glorious North Korea team to a 15-0 win over Brazil! The nation of Brazil is athletically gifted but ideologically unsound. The proper mindset was easily victorious! Let the world share the Great Lesson!
We continue to be the envy of the entire world in many ways, thanks to the Great and Glorious Leader. He has shown the way to not only victory in international sport but in military and economic prowess! Our Mars landing of last month preceded all attempts by other nations by many years, and of course we were World Cup champions in 2006 also!
As in every year, on this July 9 we will take a National Day of Remembrance of the Great Leader's first soccer goal in international competition, scored at the age of 5. A great beam from the sky illuminated the ball's glorious path, as government officials attending the game can still attest! The opposing goalkeeper is said to have fallen into a hole opened by the Great Leader's mere thought waves! This is why we all as a nation proceed on the Day of Remembrance to the Grounds of Glory to dig many holes large enough to hold a man! Do not forget to participate.
Many of you will notice certain family members who have not returned. These are the very fortunate people in attendance at the World Cup games, after which many will remain in service of the Great Leader training for various forms of expertise beneficial to us all. Perhaps they may even play alongside the Great Leader at the next World Cup in 2014 and return with Treasured Stories of Greatness! This will explain their absence until this time.
Until next report, continue to save your family's urine and to do diligent work for the State! On to another World Cup championship! Envy of all nations!
Hail to the Great Leader!