My daughter suffered the mouths and hands of bullies in middle school. After weeks of complaints, I decided to visit the school to witness a day of her life there. Since teachers had not intervened and the school counselor had advised her to learn to get along, I suspected my daughter’s perception might have been one-sided and that she might have exaggerated the severity of the attacks. Observing first hand would help me know how to help my daughter.
It turned out my daughter had not exaggerated. If anything, she underplayed the severity because at her age she did not understand long-term effects or societal consequences. The girls, who had called her unacceptable and dishonest names, spit on her, tripped, punched, and otherwise pushed her around were six inches taller and at least fifty pounds heavier. One of them made my heart beat fast enough to produce adrenaline when she pinned me to a wall and let me know I was not welcome in her territory (the school hall), and that she would physically remove me if I didn’t leave on my own.
When I sat down with the principal and school counselor to report my findings and concerns, they tried to appease me with soft language and messages about how this was normal behavior at middle school ages, and these kids were not bullies or gang members. They insisted that my daughter must learn to ignore students who were not like her, and that I must understand that the law protected inappropriate behavior since the offenders had behavior disorders and/or came from homes where parents did not care how their children behaved.
I expressed understanding of the middle school personality – how emotions are exaggerated and worn on the sleeve, expressions of independence are important, and tempers flare easily. My fear beyond my daughter’s safety and serenity, I told them, was that if the offending students received little guidance at home and the school system refused to discipline or instruct them, in a few years these students would be turned loose on our society as violent adults.
President Obama reminds me of this principal. I hoped his first Oval Office Address would be the turning point. Finally, he would address the bullies we are dealing with as a nation – Dick Cheney’s secret meetings with the oil industry, the real reasons behind the wars, Halliburton’s hand in both messes, people bringing guns to political functions, Republican politicians and candidates inciting violence, media giving a constant voice to insignificant daughters of bullies and ex-politicians who quit mid-term to pursue full time bullying. Instead, I heard between the lines or through unspoken words that I must learn to ignore these bullies and understand that they are protected – by law? Amendments? People who are too afraid of the power and arsenals they have amassed?
Rachel Maddow took it on. She said what I needed to hear, in factual, concise terms and a voice that was stern yet not threatening. She was believable. She delivered hope and change. Better yet, her message could neither confuse nor offend an honest or intelligent listener. I hope President Obama hears Rachel’s speech and realizes that honesty is what we need. Until he addresses the underlying, connecting cause of our biggest problems, nothing else he says will feel complete.
Link to Rachel's speech