the brass hats who are running the war in Afghanistan released a statement today relating to the end of the conflict.
I was very relieved to see that the longest-running war in American history is... well... I mean...
that after well over $1 trillion and many American lives spent, as well as, of course, Afghani lives, and that's only what's on the books, there's signs that the conflict may have run its course.
Full transcript below the fold.
" We believe that the police action, er, we mean the "bringing of democracy" to Afghanistan as an ever so slight hope of perhaps somehow seeing some kind of resolution as close as in the next, um, well, maybe, we were going to say 10 years, but gosh, it's so profitable for the MIC that we hesitate to actually say when we're going to terminate this mission."
"We realize that this is one of the best cash cows that companies like Halliburton, BP, and XE have ever found, and that we could keep milking the American people for billions and trillions, and crying crocodile tears over "collateral damage" which means that some people you don't know, including women and children, got somehow, er, um, killed, but our smart bombs are so expensive that although they're smart the people the direct them from some base back in Nevada are not quite as smart, so "mistakes were made", but Americans will quickly forget anyway since it didn't happen here, and if we move the goalposts and just say that it's going to end "sometime", people will just be paying and forget that it's draining the economy of the money that could pay for healthcare, infrastructure, and alternative energy.
"Rwanda? What's Rwanda got to do with it? Just because one of the poorest countries in the world actually has a health care system that ends up, proportionately, being better than ours doesn't mean anything. Don't you understand that the corporations that are producing these smart bombs are essential corporations that are too big to fail? we need these industries much more than we need healthcare. The CEOs depend on us to pay them all the millions they need to get their yachts, and we, the generals in charge, wouldn't have job security if there wasn't a good war going on."
"Yes, we know; this war has been going on longer than any other war that the United States has ever fought, and it's so profitable, we mean it's so necessary for us to have job security, oops, I mean bring democracy to Afghanistan that we're going to move the goal posts again and recommend 100,000 soldiers surge for the next phase of the pre-conflict operations to follow up the operations that unfortunately haven't worked, because were trying to prop up a regime that is both unpopular and wildly corrupt, and that's cozying up to the Chinese, who are lining up to exploit Afghanistan's vast mineral wealth that we've just been told about, although of course we knew about it from when the Russians were there. Don't you understand?"
"The bottom line is, there's a lot more money to be made. If we prolong this war for another 10 years, why, the American people, through the trickle down effect, can enjoy huge profits from these companies that make all this war matériel, and we can stay employed and seemingly useful forever."
"And remember; stay the course, mission accomplished, we're the deciders, and so on and so forth. I don't want to bore you with three word slogans for too long because we've got to go to the golf course to meet the politicians that have been bought, I mean the patriotic Congressmen who supported this war and the wonderful profits, I mean saving Afghani democracy."