It's been seven years since he passed suddenly and unexpectedly from a cancer that we only discovered he might have the day before. I really miss him.
As a youth my relationship with my dad was good, but less than perfect since he was always working or worrying about work as he struggled to make his business a success. Things were bad enough that when I was 14 I gave half my earnings from working full time on a farm in the summer to prevent the foreclosure..we made it though and eventually his business prospered but only after I had left the home and become independent. Too independent to accept his offers of a financial boost when he was finally able to provide it.
Perhaps that is my biggest regret, not having given him the full satisfaction of sharing the fruits from his lifetime labor with me while he was still alive.
Some memories on the flip.
My closest bond with my father as a youth surrounded golf, he had taught me to play at age 7 and when I was 9 I got a junior membership at a course and I played every day I possibly could until I turned 16 or so. Most of the time dad was busy working or worrying about work so I never got to play with him in the father son tournaments. Instead a wonderful older golfer at the course without kids of his own took me under his wing and was my partner for those tournaments.
Whenever my dad could get out to play, I usually joined him and we had an excellent time together enjoying the challenge, camaraderie and beauty that a good game of golf on a great course provides to those with the affliction. We also watched all the major tournaments together, either in person or on the phone. One that really stands out was the 1999 British Open at Carnoustie. I was watching by my self that Sunday in Wisconsin and he was watching in Ontario. What appeared to be a surefire victory for Jean Van de Velde who was leading by 3 going into the final hole began to take a strange turn when he made a terrible decision to hit driver on the 18th. I'm talking to my dad on the phone at the time, both of us criticizing his decisions and watching stunned as he proceeded to hit an approach into the deep rough (instead of laying up) and another shot into the water. He then dropped and hit it into the sand. He ended up getting a triple bogey to result in a three way playoff which he lost. The guffaws coming out of the two of us made my chest hurt. Both of us being Scottish and watching a Frenchman lose the British Open in such spectacular fashion had something to do with our laughter. (Disclaimer: I married a French woman and do not hate the French, but it's a cultural thing you know ;-)
Here's a youtube video of his 18th hole performance.
It was only later in life, as I approached 20 that I began to really understand my dad.
One time I was brought home by a police car at 9 in the morning, the Officer knocked on the door and my dad answered in a bathrobe, spoke to him, looked at me in the car, nodded that I was his son. As I walked the path of shame and into the house he just laughed at me and told me to get some sleep. I had been expecting the Spanish Inquisition...perhaps he does understand? He was happy that I had not been charged with anything and was greatly relieved. It was his favorite story to tell his friends. Sorry but I will not relay the circumstances that lead to that moment out of sheer embarrassment.
I began to appreciate all he had done to make our lives rich, carefree and stable for all those years. All the little pleasures he had sacrificed during our childhoods. Luckily, as he got older he was finally able to take advantage of enjoying the little things in life. His first grandchildren, my nephew, and then my niece, appeared and although their fathers were absentee, grandpa took full delight in fulfilling that role of the caring and doting dad that he never really got the chance to be with his own children. Countless, soccer games and sleepovers later he was closer to his grandchildren than he had even been with me and my siblings when we were young. This other side of him impressed us greatly.
He got to travel the world with his expanding business and just as he was preparing for a semi-retirement he was cut short. I wish could have had more time to see his other grandchild (my son) and enjoy a carefree retirement.
As I grow older, I and those around me notice that become more and more like him with age. When I was young, I would not have welcomed the comparison. Now I worry if I can live up to it.
I love and miss you Dad.
It'll be time to watch the Golf shortly.