I didn't get to this the other night, but on Tuesday's show, Stephen Colbert also took on BP's PR machine. Now, you may have seen Rachel Maddow already cover some of this last month in several of her Press Release Theater segments, first from June 17th, then another one on June 22nd, and then her latest one from this Monday.
But how would a satirist like Stephen Colbert cover it? With graphics like this one about BP's hidden picture page for kids!
Video below the fold.
Here's the transcript.
I gotta tell ya, just reading news about the oil spill is depressing. The front page is a picture of an oily pelican, the business section tracks the loss of Gulf jobs, it's even affected the horoscope. I am so worried about Pisces.
And folks, television news is the worst.
GOOD MORNING AMERICA (6/24/2010): A baby dolphin covered in oil was found on a sandbar off Pensacola Beach. It later died.
After reporting that, my TiVo recommended that I might also enjoy Gouging My Eyes Out.
(Notice the sad face. And Stephen watches tosh.0??)
But there's good news, folks. Just listen to this article.
Much of the region's businesses - particularly the hotels - have been prospering because so many people have come here from BP and other oil emergency response teams.
See? The coral reefs may be destroyed, but the Travelodge ecosystem has never been more vibrant. And folks, you'll never guess where this feel-good story came from, unless you guessed BP.
Specifically, Planet BP, the company's in-house online magazine. For kids, they have a hidden picture page where you have to find the wildlife.
Fun, fun. I think I saw a turtle! I think I found the turtle.
It's written by guys like Tom Seslar, who identifes himself as a "BP reporter". He brings you all the news that's fit to underestimate by 50,000 barrels. For instance, Tom found a family that may lose their seafood restaurant, but who say, "There is no reason to hate BP... The oil spill was an accident." Just like they could accidentally spit into the food when the BP executives eat there.
And, there's another intrepid reporter who's telling it like it is... more pleasant to imagine. Paula Kolmar, who described watching workers skim crude oil off the surface of the dying sea, as a "spectacular ballet at sea". I assume, Dead Swan Lake.
Best of all, folks, the smile squad at BP has started their own YouTube channel. Jimmy, let's disperse a little sunshine.
RON BRITTON (Deputy Director, Wildlife Branch): There were a number of animals that were oiled, some of them seemingly heavily, but as you approach, they're still completely capable of flying. So here, we're still looking at birds that are very vigorous. ... The ingestion of the oil and the eventual effects of that will make them more sluggish, and make them more capturable.
See? Covering those birds with oil makes them easier to capture so we can clean off all that oil! It's called the Ciiiiiiiiircle of Liiiiiiiiife. Hamamamamamama heyyyyy. So... no, no, don't pity me. So, for making these stories that are made to feel like the news, to make me feel like I feel better, thank you BP.
Sometimes, ya gotta laugh to keep from crying. And yes, I provided the actual links to those BP PR "articles", just to show they are for real.
OK, since this can be pretty depressing, here's something to cheer y'all up. The new trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows!!