It's over. The fireworks are gone. The BBQ is spattered with old grease. All that's left is a sun-drenched hangover and a vague feeling of patriotism. Another 4th of July gone by the wayside. Perhaps on this 5th day of July, it's time to reflect on the true meaning of the holiday by....even though we are warned against such things by important people....looking back, and asking a hard question...
Some people say...that our Democracy wasn't simply plopped down on this country, but that we actually had to fight for it....with guns and stuff! The rumors called "history" are vague about the details, filled with unlikely stories about dudes riding horses around in the middle of the night:
(kinda rugged looking for some fairy cup-maker, no?)
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River crossings which make Moses parting the Red Sea look like a Tea Party:
And finally, speaking of Tea Parties, check this out; a breathless, unsourced account supposedly from a party-goer of the day:
"It was now evening, and I immediately dressed myself in the costume of an Indian, equipped with a small hatchet, which I and my associates denominated the tomahawk, with which, and a club, after having painted my face and hands with coal dust in the shop of a blacksmith, I repaired to Griffin's wharf, where the ships lay that contained the tea. When I first appeared in the street after being thus disguised, I fell in with many who were dressed, equipped and painted as I was, and who fell in with me and marched in order to the place of our destination.
"When we arrived at the wharf, there were three of our number who assumed an authority to direct our operations, to which we readily submitted. They divided us into three parties, for the purpose of boarding the three ships which contained the tea at the same time. The name of him who commanded the division to which I was assigned was Leonard Pitt. The names of the other commanders I never knew.
Uh-huh. Never knew 'em. Right. And check out the "party":
Sorry. I have to call BS on this one. There is PLENTY of photographic evidence on what Tea Partiers look like. To wit:
and:
Busted, "historians"! Tea Parties...REAL Tea Parties...have SIGNS!! NOT boxes of tea. Signs with...well, with stuff written on them! Do you see any signs in the top picture? NO! Only freaks dressed up like Native Americans. How UN-American is that?
Moreover...how unLIKELY is that?
Well...I am not alone in my skepticism. A recent Marist Poll showed that a good part of America is equally suspicious of the fairy tales we have been swallowing in the classroom and beyond.
It's time to get to the bottom of this, and what better way than with a poll?
Speak out Kossacks, and don't be shy...what really happened back then?
Who exactly did we wrest our Freedom Fries From?