According to an unnamed source familiar with Timothy Geithner's movie preferences, the Treasury Secretary plans to push hard for US adoption of the Toonie, a 2-dollar coin popular in Canada.
"He watches a lot of Judd Apatow movies," said the source, and according to an unnamed blogger at Huffington Post, those movies employ Canadian-born actors, like "that chubby guy" the source said.
Of course, now that I think about it, it might have been the huffpo blogger who said that, I'm not sure. Whatever the case, the reference to the "chubby guy" was made off the record by someone unnamed... and possibly chubby... by which I mean he was possibly a little fat... his name wasn't "Chubby"... he has no name... I mean, of course he has a name, but he's anonymous, and his name isn't "Chubby".
OK fine, even if it was "Chubby", and I'm not saying it was (it was - I hate that fat bastard), that's just a nickname... so we still don't know his real name (it's "Scott", if you're wondering). I digress...
"It's not that far-fetched," said one diner at a local eatery, with knowledge of wraps and fajitas , "the treasury secretary gets their name on money, after all, so why wouldn't you want your name on money that survives laundry?"
Canadian officials, with knowledge of poutine and its lesser-appreciated cousin, poutine italienne, said (off the record) that they welcome adoption of $2 coins by other countries, and feel secure in the knowledge that they came up with it first.
"We like our pants to jingle a lot when we walk. Also, we might attribute much of our relatively stable economy to the fact that money weighs a lot, and we're too lazy to spend it quickly"
A blogger familiar with this story noted the presence of two pairs of floating lines enclosing the previous paragraph. "This is significant," he said.
Implementation of the toonie would render the Financial Reform Bill utterly meaningless (emphasis yours), since the added weight of currency would make it impossible to regulate. Only people with huge resources and forklifts could carry around that kind of money. This is already being hailed by lobbyists for big forklift as a win (emphasis Chubby's)
Update: in an interview with his bathroom mirror, Geithner said emphatically, "Ugh. Poutine". Let's keep the pressure up folks!