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Since I received my first electronic mail account in the heady days of 1994, I get a steady stream of Republican chain E-mails forwarded to me.

They have well-informed me of President Bill Clinton's Body Count, Vice President Al Gore's Global Warming Hoax, Senator John Kerry's phony Purple Hearts and President Barack Obama's Kenyan birth certificate.

Funnily enough, they tend to increase in number when election season approaches.  

Instead of simply reaching over and clicking the Block Sender button, I'm a little pugnacious and hit Reply All.

Here is a typical example...

Which side of the fence?
If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!  

If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.    

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.    

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.    

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.    

If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Democrats demand that those they don't like be shut down.    

If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.    

If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".    

Well, I forwarded it.

With a just few minutes of copying, pasting, Google searching, some more copying, pasting and with some editing, here is my Reply All response...

If a Democrat hears about a crime in his neighborhood, he calls the cops, and then finds out if his local police department is adequately funded.

If a Republican hears about a crime in his neighborhood, he buys a gun and gets shot by his wife when he's drunk. Unless his kid used it to shoot the neighbor kid first.

If a Democrat has a religion, he practices it at home and at church.
If a Republican has a religion, everyone must practice it in all public places, schools and courthouses.

If a Democrat isn't a homosexual, he doesn't have sex with homosexuals.
If a Republican isn't a homosexual, he wants to ban homosexuals from ever enlisting in the military and getting married (because there's nothing worse than a monogamous homosexual) but will still have sex with them in a public restroom.

If a Democrat sees his hard-working neighbor out of a job, he wonders if any of the existing economic policies cost him his job, how this can be corrected, and how society can help him until he gets back to work.
If a Republican sees his hard-working neighbor out of a job, he assumes the guy is lazy or being punished by God.

If a Democrat doesn't like a talk show host, he changes stations...and finds that they are all Republicans even though half or more Americans are Democrats.
If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he calls him a terrorist-loving, America-hating traitor who should be shot (or maybe that was just Rush Limbaugh).

If a Democrat has good health insurance, he wonders if others have it too and how he can help them get it.
If a Republican has good health insurance, he doesn't give a crap if other people die in the streets like unwanted dogs.

If a Democrat hears a good idea like "Love your neighbor as yourself," they try to live by it.
If a Republican hears a good idea like that, they make a long list of exceptions to the rule, to include women, minorities, immigrants, gays....

Lastly, if a Democrat gets an un-sourced email, he wonders if it was concocted by some big DC-based corporate public relations lobbying firm who knows just how to push Republicans’ buttons.
If a Republican gets an un-sourced email, he forwards it without thought because it pushed all his buttons.

And just to be a devil, I'll copy and paste their e-mail addresses onto MoveOn and Code Pink websites for e-mail updates.

UPDATE!!!  I got back a response. It runs very similar to other Reply All responses that I have received before.  Republicans have glass jaws.

> This is the kind of mean spirited stuff that makes it hard
> for me to listen
> to and understand a different point of view.
> Is it possible if you are a
> republican that you just disagree? Why must it
> be assumed that we have no
> compassion for others? I personally have no problem
> helping someone that
> legitamately needs help and is not "milking" the system and
> I know I am not
> alone. But, I'm also not in agreement with
> large gov't thinking it knows
> better than me how to spend my hard-earned
> dollar. I'm tired of people
> slamming republican beliefs and people trying to "shame" us
> into submission.
> I found the below foolish and offensive.

Originally posted to aaraujo on Sun Jul 25, 2010 at 09:03 AM PDT.

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