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As the new immigration law takes effect today, Sheriff Arpaio has come up with an ingenious way to tell who and who not to check for papers. Across the state, and especially in Maricopa County, peace officers and border patrol agents are being issued tortillas to help them enforce the new Arizona illegal immigrant laws.
"Basically, if they are darker than a tortilla, we're gonna need to see some papers," Sheriff Joe Arpaio stated with no sense of irony, being a first generation American himself. "I'm even willing to give them toasted tortillas, just to be on the safe side. But when my officers hold up a tortilla to the skin of a possible illegal immigrant, if dark let's nark."
The major issue concerning the program, known as "Turning of the Tortilla", was whether to use flour or corn tortillas as the matrix for skin color. While the corn tortillas were more traditional per the Arpaio's target demographic, the Sheriff said, "the slight yellow tint had my posse bringing in Asians like we were using rice cakes." Sheriff Joe finally decided on the flour tortilla due to its pure whiteness, which also matched his vision of an utopian America.
Other problems included finding any hispanic willing to make Sheriff Arpaio a single cursed tortilla to keeping his officers from using the new litmus test for what is a "True" American as a taco, burrito or in a nice soup. Once the officers understood the serious business involved in comparing people's skin to a tortilla, Sheriff Joe and his posse were able to sweep over 10,000 people in a single day. 9,990 were later found to be living here legally.
When asked if a person from Italy was darker than spaghetti, should they be required to produce papers, an outraged Arpaio screamed, "That's racist!"