Interspersed between the actual transcript of a radio conversation Laura Schlessinger had with a black woman named, Jade, freshrant is pleased to be the first to present excerpts from the revised edition of Dr. Laura’s very first book, "Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives".
SCHLESSINGER: Jade, welcome to the program.
Stupid #1. Calling in to a radio talk show to get advice from a woman who has a history of berating callers with cruel, demeaning, sarcastic, racist, sexist and homophobic comments. The host appears to get off having millions of listeners amplify the public humiliation of the caller "being served".
CALLER: Hi, Dr. Laura.
Stupid #2. Foist on the world with shameless audacity the title of Dr., as if your Ph.D. was earned within the field of psychology or counseling which is your claim to fame. Instead, hand out wily-nily advice of a highly personal nature based on a completely unrelated Ph.D. in physiology, the study of organs and cells. But then it would be impossible to make tens of millions of dollars droning on in a radio blab fest based on your doctoral thesis, "Effects of Insulin on 3-0-Methylglucose Transport in Isolated Rat Adipocytes".
CALLER: I’m having an issue with my husband where I’m starting to grow very resentful of him. I’m black, and he’s white. We’ve been around some of his friends and family members who start making racist comments as if I’m not there or if I’m not black. And my husband ignores those comments, and it hurts my feelings. And he acts like –
SCHLESSINGER: Well, can you give me an example of a racist comment? ‘Cause sometimes people are hypersensitive. So tell me what’s — give me two good examples of racist comments.
Stupid #3. Danger. Danger. Here Comes The Pre-Judge: The Not-A-Psychologist demands not one, but two examples, of racist comments, and they had better be really racist, or you’ll get condescendingly tagged "hypersensitive". But this is just the opening salvo for the more vicious verbal bombs to follow.
CALLER: OK. Last night — good example — we had a neighbor come over, and this neighbor — when every time he comes over, it’s always a black comment. It’s, "Oh, well, how do you black people like doing this?" And, "Do black people really like doing that?" And for a long time, I would ignore it. But last night, I got to the point where it –
SCHLESSINGER: I don’t think that’s racist.
Stupid #4. Interrupt before your caller gets a chance to finish her sentence. But try interrupting the Grand Physiologist, and you’re toast. So, without getting a chance to say anything specific, Judge and Jury Dr. L rules, "Not Racist." But she’s just getting warmed up...
CALLER: Well, the stereotype –
SCHLESSINGER: I don’t think that’s racist. No, I think that –
SCHLESSINGER: No, no, no. I think that’s — well, listen, without giving much thought, a lot of blacks voted for Obama simply ’cause he was half-black. Didn’t matter what he was gonna do in office, it was a black thing. You gotta know that. That’s not a surprise.
Stupid #5. The DL must have been thanking whatever dark force she calls up for all those sensational "n*gger" comments that served to obfuscate the rest of the conversation that fell into the trash talking compactor. The media completely ignored several choice cuts of racial stereotyping and degrading categorizing. Schlessinger appears to whole heartily agree with Rush Limbaugh’s theory that Obama could not have been elected if he hadn’t have been black.
The Doctor says black folk didn’t "give it [voting for Obama] much thought", cause, you know, blacks don’t really think too deeply with their herd mentality.
Obama apparently had no other redeemable qualifications for president other than the fact that he was a "half-black. Didn’t matter what he was going to do in office, it was a black thing."
Obama could have run on a ticket to repopulate the planet Jupiter and those gullible, superficial-thinking blacks would have voted for him no matter what.
SCHLESSINGER: Not everything that somebody says — we had friends over the other day; we got about 35 people here — the guys who were gonna start playing basketball. I was going to go out and play basketball. My bodyguard and my dear friend is a black man. And I said, "White men can’t jump; I want you on my team." That was racist? That was funny.
Stupid #6: Let me tell you how much I’m not a racist with a little story about basketball, thirty-five invited (white?) friends and one black, a manservant/body guard, who, you should know, is also my dear friend. Some of my best friends are my black body guards.
Question: Would my dear thirty-sixth black friend be at the house hangin with my houseful of jump-challenged homies and humor-challenged me if he weren’t my hired body guard?
And what about my making sure I hired a black body guard, since I know how much more threatening a large black man is walking down a street than a similar size white man.
Could you cram any more supposed post-racial cliches and subliminal racial stereotypes into one tiny anecdote of unfunny white privilege?
CALLER: How about the N-word? So, the N-word’s been thrown around –
SCHLESSINGER: Black guys use it all the time. Turn on HBO, listen to a black comic, and all you hear is nig*er, nig*er, nig*er.
CALLER: That isn’t –
SCHLESSINGER: I don’t get it. If anybody without enough melanin says it, it’s a horrible thing; but when black people say it, it’s affectionate. It’s very confusing. Don’t hang up, I want to talk to you some more. Don’t go away.
I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I’ll be right back.
Stupid #7: G*odie, g*odie, g*odie! Finally I get my chance to blurt out the "n" word that has been festering just below the surface, cause by the repetitious sound of it, I’ve got some real serious n*gger issues. Watch me as I get more angry and out of control at the black female caller. Count how many more times I seize the day to use the "n" word.
Oh, and by way of comparison, "Cunt! Cunt! Cunt!" White women use it all the time. Turn on HBO, and listen to Lisa Lampanelli. All you hear is "cunt cunt this", "dick, dick that" and "fuck fuck you".
I mean, what’s up with you white women anyway? I don’t get it. If anyone without enough estrogen yells out "cunt" on, say, a talk show that pretends to be a therapeutic advice-giving forum, it’s a horrible thing. But when comics go out say it in an uncensored performance, it’s funny. It’s very confusing.
I really can’t tell the difference between the appropriateness of an uncensored comedy forum on a special fee cable network or supposedly civil conversation on a nationwide broadcast of a daytime radio talk show. I know I sound like I’m oozing with sarcasm. That is who I am. Does that make me a cunt? Don’t go away...we’ll be right back.
After taking a commercial break, Schlessinger resumed her discussion with the caller:
SCHLESSINGER: I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger, talking to Jade. What did you think about during the break, by the way?
CALLER: I was a little caught back by the N-word that you spewed out, I have to be honest with you. But my point is, race relations –
SCHLESSINGER: Oh, then I guess you don’t watch HBO or listen to any black comedians.
...Still stuck on Stupid #7
CALLER: But that doesn’t make it right. I mean, race is a [unintelligible] –
SCHLESSINGER: My dear, my dear –
CALLER: — since Obama’s been in office –
SCHLESSINGER: — the point I’m trying to make –
CALLER: — racism has come to another level that’s unacceptable.
SCHLESSINGER: Yeah. We’ve got a black man as president, and we have more complaining about racism than ever. I mean, I think that’s hilarious.
Stupid #8 Hilarious? So the topic of racism in America is the button to push to make you laugh?
And by complaining about racism do you mean Obama being called out by Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, the Tea Party, FOX News and a bevy of GOP politicians as a racist?
Or that America’s first black presidency has polarized such large numbers of the opposition party that, according to a recent CNN poll, 43% of all Republicans think Obama was definitely or was maybe born in Kenya where he belongs.
Not racially motivated, when Obama’s 100% white opponent in the 2008 presidential race, Senator John McCain, who was not born in the United States, caused hardly a peep about his legitimacy to run for president?
CALLER: But I think, honestly, because there’s more white people afraid of a black man taking over the nation.
SCHLESSINGER: They’re afraid.
CALLER: If you want to be honest about it [unintelligible]
SCHLESSINGER: Dear, they voted him in. Only 12 percent of the population’s black. Whites voted him in.
CALLER: It was the younger generation that did it. It wasn’t the older white people who did it.
SCHLESSINGER: Oh, OK.
CALLER: It was the younger generation –
SCHLESSINGER: All right. All right.
CALLER: — that did it.
SCHLESSINGER: Chip on your shoulder. I can’t do much about that.
CALLER: It’s not like that.
SCHLESSINGER: Yeah. I think you have too much sensitivity –
CALLER: So it’s OK to say "nig*er"?
SCHLESSINGER: — and not enough sense of humor.
CALLER: It’s OK to say that word?
SCHLESSINGER: It depends how it’s said.
CALLER: Is it OK to say that word? Is it ever OK to say that word?
SCHLESSINGER: It’s — it depends how it’s said. Black guys talking to each other seem to think it’s OK.
CALLER: But you’re not black. They’re not black. My husband is white.
SCHLESSINGER: Oh, I see. So, a word is restricted to race. Got it. Can’t do much about that.
CALLER: I can’t believe someone like you is on the radio spewing out the "nig*er" word, and I hope everybody heard it.
SCHLESSINGER: I didn’t spew out the "nig*er" word.
CALLER: You said, "Nig*er, nig*er, nig*er."
SCHLESSINGER: Right, I said that’s what you hear.
CALLER: Everybody heard it.
SCHLESSINGER: Yes, they did.
CALLER: I hope everybody heard it.
SCHLESSINGER: They did, and I’ll say it again –
CALLER: So what makes it OK for you to say the word?
SCHLESSINGER: — nig*er, nig*er, nig*er is what you hear on HB –
Stupid #9: Maybe y’all don’t yell nig*er, nig*er, nig*er, when you get angry. But simmering barely-below-the-surface racists like Mel Gibson and Dr. Laura, when they get pissed off, they don’t hold back on their inner cracker. Like a school yard brawl, they start moma talkin’. Yo mama a "Whore Whore Whore"! That school yard style -
CALLER: So what makes it –
SCHLESSINGER: Why don’t you let me finish a sentence?
SCHLESSINGER: Don’t take things out of context. Don’t double N — NAACP me. Tape the –
Stupid #10 Oh, she went there cause she can. She’s here to tell the world that the NAACP stands for any specious, lame defense of civil rights. As long as she’s playing kick the can, might as well kick it all the way down the road. (I double dare you try to JDL her back about its lame denial statement of first amendment rights for the Manhattan Islamic center though).
CALLER: I know what the NAACP –
SCHLESSINGER: Leave them in context.
CALLER: I know what the N-word means and I know it came from a white person. And I know the white person made it bad.
SCHLESSINGER: All right. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Can’t have this argument. You know what? If you’re that hypersensitive about color and don’t have a sense of humor, don’t marry out of your race. If you’re going to marry out of your race, people are going to say, "OK, what do blacks think? What do whites think? What do Jews think? What do Catholics think?" Of course there isn’t a one-think per se. But in general there’s "think."
And what I just heard from Jade is a lot of what I hear from black-think — and it’s really distressting [sic] and disturbing. And to put it in its context, she said the N-word, and I said, on HBO, listening to black comics, you hear "nigger, nigger, nigger." I didn’t call anybody a nigger. Nice try, Jade. Actually, sucky try.
Need a sense of humor, sense of humor — and answer the question. When somebody says, "What do blacks think?" say, "This is what I think. This is what I read that if you take a poll the majority of blacks think this." Answer the question and discuss the issue. It’s like we can’t discuss anything without saying there’s -isms?
We have to be able to discuss these things. We’re people — goodness gracious me. Ah — hypersensitivity, OK, which is being bred by black activists. I really thought that once we had a black president, the attempt to demonize whites hating blacks would stop, but it seems to have grown, and I don’t get it. Yes, I do. It’s all about power. I do get it. It’s all about power and that’s sad because what should be in power is not power or righteousness to do good — that should be the greatest power.
Stupid # 11, 12, etc. Too many stupids here, but need to get this new edition to press. In brief:
The Body Doctor feigns ignorance about the history of the "n" word and all the cruel and demeaning ways it has been used by white people against black people.
LS "can’t have this argument" because even she found the hole she was digging in was getting less and less "hysterical" funny and more and more "hysterical" maniacal. Cut the call.
LS accused Jade of "Black Think", Dr. Laura’s very own monochromatic lock-step view of African Americans. By her status as a self-anointed "Bitter Old Super Rich Out of Touch Porn Posing Multiple Marriage Estranged From Family White Jew Think", who better to deduce the thought processes of all black people?
It appears that LS has a life long severe deficit disorder when it comes to judging the health of other cultures, let alone the mental health of individuals.
Message to Jade:
Dr. Laura’s Stupid Verdict: Discussions of race are passe. All my white friends (and paid black body guard) don’t have a problem with race. Why should you?
You should have never married outside your race. Your relationship with your white husband is not worthy of further conversation. Bringing up this topic shows me you are way too sensitive, rather than showing me up as a touchy, blindly arrogant, racist-spewing woman.
Blacks are being racist towards whites by their misuse of all their power. Go back to your "black-think" ways where you came from.
Nice lie, Laura. Actually, sucky lie.
Follow up to Dr. Laura rant:
Dr. Laura's "apology" on Larry King turns into an unrepentant victim's stance conflating imagined government take away of freedom of speech with public outcry and sponsor reaction over racist, vindictive hate speech:
"I want to regain my first amendment rights. I want to be able to say what's on my mind and in my heart...without somebody getting angry, some special interest group deciding this is a time to silence a voice of dissent."
Sarah Palin's tweets in support of Dr. Laura:
"Dr. Laura: don't retreat...reload! Steps aside bc her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2 activists try 2silence "isn't American, not fair")
Dr. Laura=even more powerful & Effective w/out the shackles, so watch out Constitutional obstructionists. And b thankful 4 her voice, America!"
Palin seems unable to resist gun and slavery metaphors as she is oblivious to Dr. Laura "reloading" on Palin when McCain made his "stunning" announcement of his vice-presidential running mate:
"I'm stunned-couldn't the Republican Party find one competent female with adult children to run for vice president with McCain? I realize his advisors probably didn't want a "mature' woman, as the Democrats keep harping on his age. But really, what kind of role model is a woman whose fifth child was recently born with a serious issue, down syndrome and then goes back to the job of governor within days of the birth?"
Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Sept 2, 2008
One final ironic comment from Palin from an earlier kerfluffle regarding a statement from presidential advisor Rahm Emmanuel:
And after Rahm Emmanuel used the word "retarded", Sarah Palin wrote on facebook, "...just as we'd be appalled if any public figure of Rahm's stature ever used the 'n-word' or other such inappropriate language..."
It would seem Palin losses her distress over use of the "n-word" when someone is a perceived conservative ally.