I know this is a bit odd to post something like with my fellow Kossaks being a non-political diary, but with so many good hearted people out there, I was thinking I might get some advice short of going to Lucy Pelt's sidewalk therapy booth for 5 cents.
I know I shouldn't be an anxious person. Anyone who knows me would be astonished that I feel the way I do. I'm 43, single, generally healthy, don't smoke and enjoy the occasional dram. I have a good life and I should count my blessings. Yet I feel unsatisfied like there's something horribly missing. Reading the diaries on DK remind me how much in the world is so screwed up, and I get frustrated knowing there are bad people who seem perfectly happy making ordinary people's life worse for their own greed, ego, power, and so on. I get so tired and feel helpless. I fight the good progressive fight, and sometimes want to sacrifice my own time and money to keep the fight going. God knows we need to now more than ever.
I guess it all tops the fact that I'm preparing to move to a new home. (I can hear all the NPR people quoting Car Talk, "Well THERE'S your problem!") And I know in my heart it's a lovely home and it'll work fine. It's not a financial problem. I guess it's this constant feeling of doubt and confidence. It hits me like a wave and I really do want to cower under my blanket. It makes me want to grab a valium even though it's just a band-aid and doesn't cure the underlying issue.
And it's not like I don't have help with the move either. The movers are going to pack and unpack everything, Con Ed and the phone company are all set, and it's being renovated as we speak. My friends are all very supportive. Yet this fear of doing something wrong absolutely paralyzes me.
I have a brother who I'm pretty close to. He's married with two kids and a wonderful wife, a gorgeous home, a good job as a physical therapist. Yet he's always seemingly a stable rock of a person. Nothing phases him in his personal life or political (granted he's not as political as I am). When asked what's his secret, he basically said food, shelter, and love. It seems so obvious, yet I have so much trouble accepting that as fact and incorporating it into my life. This winds up cycling back into self doubt. What am I doing wrong, and the downward spiral goes on.
So I ask you, my fellow Kossaks, for your advice and enlightenment. Have you been in situations of unreasonable anxiety? How do you cope? What's your mindset? What skills do you use? Anything constructive would be so greatly appreciated. Many thanks in advance.