You promised us a MIRACLE. Not just a good show... a freaking MIRACLE!
You said something miraculous would happen! I'll confess, I didn't watch, but I figured even the lame stream media would cover a bona fide miracle. I ain't seen nuthin' in the papers, so I gotta ask, what was it? Did you walk across the reflecting pool? Did the water fountains part into colored and white? Did you feed the multitudes with nothing but cotton candy words? Did you raise Sarah Palin's conscience from the dead? Did you heal the batshit insane Michele Bachmann? Did you find a good parking space? Anything.... Bueller? .... Bueller?
Glenn Beck, where is my miracle!? Is it in the mail? Someone stole it? Will it be waiting for me when I get home from school? Will I find it under my pillow when I lay down tonight? Did I blink and miss it?
Where is our miracle?! Inquiring minds want to KNOW!
Now I realize that you might think it's a miracle to stay in the same hotel as a black man and get room service, but anyone with a AAA guide could have done that, you moron.
I'm sure you would like to paint it as a miracle that a two-bit revivalist preacher doing a poor imitation of Elmer Gantry could actually get prime time air time. But get real, you were on C-SPAN. The Congression-Senate Public Access Network. That's right, the guy railing against big gummint wound up using the cable channel dedicated to .... big gummint. But that ain't a miracle ... that's irony, you idiot.
Speaking of irony, what the fuck is it with you and Sarah always chattering about how we have to restore our dignity? Where were you when George W. Bush became president? Dontchya remember his whole campaign was about restoring dignity AND honor to the White House. Hell, he was so dedicated to removing the stain of its previous occupants that he tore up the carpet in the Oval Office and bought a new one, and then bragged about it! Getting a guy to brag about carpeting...now THAT'S a miracle.
Are you gonna stand there and say he worked his ass off for eight years and failed?! You calling Dubya a failure?! What the hell is wrong with you people?!??!?!?!
Speaking of wrong, I was wrong to think Becky wouldn't deliver. He predicted the media would find a way to misrepresent this glorioius occasion. He said they'd find the one crazy person in the crowd saying something stupid and showcase them. Of course, he kind of stacked the deck by inviting Michele Bachmann to speak. And boy, she did not disappoint. Nothing miraculous there, though. Predicting Bachmann will go full frontal batshit for the camera is about as risky a bet as predicting Squeegee Man will spit on my windshield.
Speaking about spitting...what the hell is wrong with you and your kind? Why the urge to spit on the Civil Rights movement? On what planet do wealthy white men get to "reclaim" the civil rights movement? Here's a newsflash you historically addled retard. The civil rights movement was about all the wrongs perpetrated by folks like you. You don't get to reclaim shit. You lost the right to talk about this the same day you lost your right to use the N-word in public.
I know that grieves you, but don't let it get your panties in a bunch. You want to wrap yourself in something, use the flag. Be my guest. Hell, tons of your flock were just outdoing themselves desecrating the flag they profess to love by turning it into hats and shirts, pants and bikini tops. Which reminds me, where the fuck is your lapel pin, boy? Don't you love America?
Screw all that, I want my miracle. So far I got nothing. What kind of cockamamie deal is it? Some sort of demented Frank Capra movie and the miracle is we are alive and Clarence has his wings? Is the miracle what didn't happen?
Oh my God.... it just hit me.
What.Didn't.Happen.
Whoah...you sly fox.
The one thing we all knew would happen. Didn't happen!
When the blessed day arrived, you did your whole dog and pony show .... and never cried. Even when your crowd was palpably bored with the histrionics, you didn't go to that well. You could have. It would have been easy. A lesser show man would have done it. But you stayed strong.
Becky didn't cry.
Hallefuckingluyah.
Man, I gotta tell ya. We lament the dumbing down of America. We pine for the days when entertainers were really talented. Well, if this is what passes for a miracle these days -- that is some weak tea. In the final analysis... the revival wasn't worth the price of admission. All I can say is gimme that old time religion. 'Cause I seen this movie before, brother, and I liked the original version just fine. Lemme show ya how it's done!
Now THAT'S entertainment!