Last week, I wrote Prince Shannon, the commander of the Right Wing Extreme Militia, offering to help him through a public relations crisis--he volunteered his group to provide security for "Burn the Koran Day," and then, almost immediately, pulled out.
The call...after the jump
Part of the help I offered, included this:
I'll need photos of you and your men wearing the Armor of God--nothing else, just the Armor of God, so I can evaluate how well you wear it. Oil up before donning it if you can. It'll help me see the indentations the armor will make in your skin. It'll also help if you shave "down there" so I can gauge the Codpiece of Redemptive Anger's fit. I also hope you'll present your Staffs of Righteousness as rigidly as possible--it's kind of an aesthetic thing I like. Same goes for a bit of lipstick--adds a little color to all that flesh.
He responded and asked me to give him a call. I did. We talked for about ten minutes. I recorded it and made this video to share the conversation with my men.
Here are a few excerpts for those of you who are at work and can't listen.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot: So you like the crusades, and you hope someday to take Jerusalem for the Christians?
Prince Shannon: I would absolutely like to do that, but we need to take America back first, here.
***
Gen. JC Christian, patriot: But you know there's something about when you get a group of men together, a group of men who all love the Lord and love the capitalist system and love America, love the America we want, that use to be. You get them together for a wrestlin' match, you know, get all oiled up and naked--just like our Spartan forefathers did. And you wrestle, you wrestle hard until one man submits when you drive your hard, rigid, shaft of glory deep into his cave of shame, and that is the bonding moment, the moment when the men come together and you become a unit.
Prince Shannon: Yeah, I couldn't agree more.
***
Prince Shannon: We just teamed up and joined with us a North Florida survival group militia. They found out about Right Wing, and they joined up with us too.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Do they have those ghillie suits, the ghillie suits like the snipers wear.
Prince Shannon: Yes. Yes.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot: I love those so much.
Prince Shannon: Yeah, yeah...
Gen. JC Christian, patriot: You know, one thing about those ghillie suits, when you do shoot your pictures, and you do the part where I ask you to "shave down there." Collect all the clippings. I make ghille suits out of those.
Prince Shannon: Oh yeah, really. [nervous laugh] Wow. Cool.
***
Prince Shannon: You've asked for photos. Well, I'll tell you. we're spread out all across the United States and our members are as well.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Well, it's really the only way I can tell if you're wearing the Armor of God like it says in Ephesians 6.
Prince Shannon: Well, like I said, we take on the crusaders--that's the theme we have--and that's the kind of photos you're going to get from us, the white with the red cross.
***
Prince Shannon: ...we need to get together and have a national meeting, somewhere, with all the Christian militia groups in the United States, and there's quite a few of them, including Right Wing, including yourself.
***
Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Yeah, they don't know how to take on armor. What you gotta do is get a CCI .22 stinger in your rifle and you shoot right straight down the barrel. What that does is it compresses the [spent] uranium in the round, and it causes a small nuclear explosion and destroys the tank. People don't know that kind of stuff.
Prince Shannon: Yeah, I tell you. I don't know that kind of stuff.
***
Gen. JC Christian, patriot: And you just know he [Obama] is eating babies. You just know he is.
Prince Shannon: Yes. Yes. Yes.
***
Prince Shannon: I will support you guys, and I hope you will support us as well.</div>