Ready tto quit. Well now is the time and in the middle of
a storm makes no mind.
I am Vetwife. I am not sure how to write this diary but I will start with with telling people the support team is great.
I wanted to quit. I hated smoking in once sense and loved it in another. Now I am 9 days smoke free. No patch today. I remember the old commercials.. YOu have come a long way baby....Virginia slims and the then Step into springtime, wow, what a way to market.
I got really sick Sunday on the 22nd and a visual of a bloody cigarette and tissue is not coming a long way or stepping into something other than springtime. Having a blood clot on a air tube is not cool. Pneumonia and precedures are not cook. Now what a storm? So when you get out of the hospital thankful that tests are coming back negative but during the middle of the storm of nerves and anxiety I was having cravings.
I got really sick Sunday on the 22nd and a visual of a bloody cigarette and tissue is not coming a long way or stepping into something other than springtime. Having a blood clot on a air tube is not cool. Pneumonia and precedures are not cook. Now what a storm? So when you get out of the hospital thankful that tests are coming back negative but during the middle of the storm of nerves and anxiety I was having cravings. My husband then gets his PTSD up in an uproar and my nerves are bad, my kids get sick, 103 degree fever, I keep making trips to ER because of coughing up blood and then checking on here but you know what? I didn't go back. One day at a time but the storms were raging inside and around me and I felt like I was being consumed by everything confusing and evil.
Sound silly? Oh the meds were giving me nightmares and the cravings were giving me all kinds of feelings. Hubby is so ill and you would think he was quitting. He quit years ago. The kids are late for school again. I have to run. I am black and blue all over from being poked and proded like cattle and most of the time I want to cry but I won't.
I find comfort in meditation and prayer. I find comfort in knowing that I have a deep breath. I feel comfort in knowing this is a battle that can be won. I think back to when I was a little girl and didn't smoke. I look at my little girls and never want them to smoke. I think of all the reasons I told myself I started and then gave myself all the reasons I quit. Abusive relationships? Not good enough to continue smoking. A crutch. take a puff and ignore, no not good enough anymore. Get out of it. I did.
I got rid of the relationships but not the smokes, now I know ths stopping empowers me. If I can get rid of this white thingy in my mouth, I can get rid of anything that causes me harm ...even in the middle of storms.
You can do it and forget about all of those beautiful top 1 percent marketers who want to trick you into believing it's not that bad. Think about it , they protray money and power but they are hooked, right down to checking schedules on Amtrak and smoking or non smoking areas. This is your life. Is this the way you want it? You are looking at the bottom of the purse. Can you find another 5o cents to get that pack?
OK. I visualize this.
I am on a desert island and there are no cigarettes.
I am walking outside and breathing deep and running like a 10 year old.
I am enjoying my food and don't care if I do have to go on a diet, maybe I will get inerviewed Marie Osmond.
I am not a slave but a queen over cigarette butts.
I am whipping with a huge whip Big Tobacco and they can't get one more dime from me.
Some visuals for you to enjoy and notice.