Professor Plum asked Ms. Scarlet to leave the BPI staff poker game, saying "Quit while you're ahead."
"But I'm not ahead," she said.
He offered a playful pun on behind that we shall not repeat. She excused herself and they left, holding hands. He may have seen ... parts ... of the mail.
More below the fold....
Ms. Scarlet is not as good at poker as she is at Clue, which may be why she left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they spend weekends drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum ("More wine, more truth"). Just before Professor Plum arrived, she announced "I'll bet three black chips, in the mail room, with my two Aces." Noting Ms. Scarlett's guileless nature, Chef folded, as did the Professor of Astrology Janitor and the BPI Squirrel. Pootie the Precious also batted her cards away, then moved to scamper after them until the Squirrel chittered that chasing cards is bad in poker. As Professor Plum led Ms. Scarlet away, the Professor of Astrology Janitor began that plaintive mewling. When Chef headed for the kitchen to make headless Breakfast Salads, your lowly mail room clerk turned to this week's correspondence....
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
I want to ...... ...... clarify. When I said "our law enforcement officials have found bodies in the desert, either buried or just lying out there, that have been beheaded" ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... I never said "in Arizona" and it's unfortunate that it was construed as Arizona.
Jan in AZ
Dear Jan,
While we concede you did not specify these events being in your state, we dispute that the misunderstanding was "unfortunate." When the Governor of Arizona says "our law enforcement officials have found," it is logical to infer this happened "in Arizona." We believe you intended precisely that "unfortunate" misunderstanding, to reinforce your administration's Scary Brown People meme. Finally, we note that had you been President Nixon's Chief of Staff in 1972, there would have been no controversy over the "18-minute gap" on that Oval Office recording.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
This is not about Scary Brown People. It's about the proper role of the federal government. In the 1950s we had the best schools in the world. Then the federal government decided to get, um, involved. Where are we now? They made education worse, and now they're gonna get more involved? It's like health care. They screwed up Medicare and now they're gonna get more involved in health care.
Ken in CO
Dear Ken,
We note that you can support any argument by inventing your own facts. In 1957, fewer than half of whites and fewer than one-in-five blacks graduated high school. In 2002, 90% of whites and 80% of blacks earned their diplomas. Moreover, the federal Department of Education was not created until 1980. How did the federal government "get, um, involved" in the 1950s? By ending racial segregation in public schools. In short, this is just another Scary Brown People argument.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
Ken in CO was right about government ruining health care, and if I'm elected I will work to choke off federal health care funding. Health care legislation will cost $2.2 trillion and the only way to bring those costs under control is to cut them in the House, which controls the nation's purse strings.
Scott in NV
Dear Scott,
We again note that you can support any argument if you invent your own facts. First, Medicare is very popular with the seniors who use it. Moreover, the Congressional Budget Office found that the 2010 health care act will cut the federal deficit by $138 billion over 10 years and by $1.3 trillion over 20 years. Conversely, the health care budget cuts proposed by your party would add $455 billion to the deficit over 10 years. We suggest you tell the 25% of your district's citizens who have no access to health care that you want to "choke off" the funds that would help them. We hope they will "choke off" your political career.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
I'm almost afraid to ask what's in a headless Breakfast Salad. And do I have to take long, inexplicable pauses while eating it?
Hungry ....... ....... ....... ....... ....... in Blogistan
Dear Hungry,
Chef refers to her Breakfast Salad as "headless" because it has no lettuce. She makes it with sliced avocado, sliced tomato, crumbled bacon, and shredded Mozzarella cheese on a bed of spinach leaves, seasoned with salt, pepper, chopped basil and oregano, and topped with a poached egg. We do suggest conversational pauses while you chew and swallow, but those are merely polite and not inexplicable. Bon appétit!
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Sources:
Jan in AZ.
Ken in CO.
Scott in NV; 2010 health care act reduces deficit; TGOP-proposed cuts raise deficit.
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Happy Sunday!
Crossposted from Blogistan Polytechnic Institute (BPICampus.com)