Jon also had some suggestions for signs to bring to the rally.
Videos and transcripts below the fold.
First, Jon broke into his own news story to cover the announcement.
But the buzz I'm hearing on the street, in the cafes, some of your nicer unisex bathrooms, is that people can talk about little else, than something that happened on this very program not two weeks ago.
JON STEWART (9/7/2010): I, Jon Stewart, am announcing that I will have an announcement sometime.
I know you remember too. It was the pre-announcement heard 'round the world, many say rivaling an anticipation the night before Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech, when he pre-announced, "I'm going to sleep now, let's see how this turns out." Courtesy of the King archives.
Well friends, the time the pre-announcements is past. Tonight, I bring you... THE ACTUAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!! But first, if I may, how did we get here? We live in troubled times with real people facing very real problems. Problems that have real, if imperfect, solutions that I believe 70-80% of our population could agree to try, and could ultimately live with. Unfortunately, the conversation and process is controlled by the other 15-20%. You may know them as the people who believe that Obama is a secret Muslim planning a socialist takeover of America so he can force his radical black liberation Christianity down our throats. Or that George Bush let 9/11 happen to help pad Dick Cheney's Halliburton stock portfolio. You've seen their signs. Obama is Hitler. Bush is Hitler.
What's the problem, people? Do you have no idea what a Stalin mustache looks like? It's very distinctive, it's easy to draw. Just think Super Mario's mustache with Wario's personality. We have an audience of 9-year-olds. We have seen these folks, the loud folks, over the years dominate our national conversation on our most important issues.
REP. ALAN GRAYSON, D-FL (9/29/2009): The Republicans want you to die quickly if you get sick.
DICK MORRIS (7/22/2009): Obama's plan is gonna kill you.
JAMES CARVILLE (6/23/2006): The Republican Party has gone completely brain-dead.
SEAN HANNITY (6/3/2009): Obama is destroying this country.
CODE PINK PROTESTER (7/4/2008): War criminal!!
BILL O'REILLY (2/22/2010): Do you think President Obama is a socialist?
NEWT GINGRICH (2/22/2010): Sure.
CHRIS MATTHEWS (3/29/2010): ... all those crazed teabaggers ...
JIM TOMASIK (4/16/2010): We want our country back!
TEABAGGERS (9/12/2009): Kill the bill! Kill the bill!
KARL ROVE PROTESTER (3/30/2010): The only comfort I take is that you're going to rot in hell.
ORLY TAITZ (8/3/2009): Obama's brownshirts in the media that insult people
DR. BEN MARBLE (9/8/2005): Go fuck yourself, Mr. Cheney!
JON STEWART & GOSPEL CHOIR (4/20/2010): Go fuck yourself, go fuck yourself!
ANDY SULLIVAN (8/23/2010): Can you hear me Obama?
RICK SANTELLI (3/4/2009): President Obama, are you listening?
LADY GAGA (10/11/2009): Are you listening?
ANDY SULLIVAN (8/23/2010): Fuggedaboutit.
Yes. As you can see, it is easy to get caught up in it. But why don't we hear from the 70-80 percenters? Well, most likely, because you have shit to do. And quite frankly, even if you didn't have shit to do, you may lack the theatrical flair necessary for today's 24 hour a day, 7 day a week news media. You may have an assault rifle, but don't think it's appropriate to bring to a rally filled with your unarmed citizen brethren.
You may be interested in a topic, but not "dress all in pink, cover your hands in fake blood, and act like you snuck into a meeting that's public in the first fucking place" interested.
But that ends tonight. For tonight I announce, the Rally to Restore Sanity!
It is happening, people! It is happening! It is happening! A real gathering! We will gather on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. A Million Moderate March where we take to the streets to send a message to our leaders and our national media that says, we are here! We're only here though until 6, because we have a sitter. A clarion call for rationality. This will take place on Saturday, October 30, 2010.
Now you're probably saying to yourself, "October 30, 2010, that rings a bell, that rings a bell." The 36th anniversary of George Foreman and Muhammad Ali's Rumble in the Jungle in Zaire! Yes! But that's not why the date is significant. I'll tell you the significance of October 30th. You see, the Daily Show's actually already going to be in Washington doing shows, from Monday the 25th through Thursday the 28th. And we all thought that if we did it Friday, we were still going to be really tired from doing the shows. So we thought we could use a day to just, you know...
And then we were thinking like, well what about Sunday? You know, and that's Halloween, and a lot of us have kids. We'd like to see them Trick-or-Treat 'cause they just grow so fast. So October 30th, we thought, well geez, that just makes the most sense.
Anyway, you may be asking yourself right now, sitting at home, but am I the right type of person to go to this rally? The fact that you would even stop yourself to ask that question, as opposed to just, let's say, jumping up, grabbing the nearest stack of burnable holy books, strapping on a diaper, and just pointing your car towards D.C., that means I think ya might just be right for it. I see you're intrigued. I see you're intrigued, but there's something still bothering you. As a reasonable busy person, I'd love to come, Jon. But I really don't have time to handcraft a message or signage. Not to worry, that's where we come in. We're going to have signs for you down there if you don't have time. Of course you can bring your own, but here's a quick one.
Ooh, how about this for the dissatisfied yet non-ideological amongst us?
You know, I notice there's a lot of conspiracy rally stuff going on at these things. Here's one for our rally.
Here's one.
Now, I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't know how this got in there. Turns out any time you have a stack of signs, this one always seems to end up in it. We didn't put it in there. I think this is actually what happens when signs breed.
Perhaps this one is more to the point.
(flips over)
This rally, that is real, is a day that will absolutely... (phone rings) Hold on a second. Oh my God, I think it's this one.
STEPHEN COLBERT: Hello Jon.
JON STEWART: Stephen Colbert! Stephen, I'm kinda in the middle of...
STEPHEN: Announcing your rally? Oh, I'm well aware of what you're up to, Jon. I'm looking at you right now.
JON: Wait, what? Oh my God!! The call is coming from inside the studio!!
STEPHEN: Can you hear me? That's right, Jon. That's right, Jon. And if you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle-fest on the Mall, you got another thing coming, Mister!
JON: Try and stop me Colbert!
STEPHEN: Oh I will! Stay tuned ladies and gentlemen for the Colbert Report, where I will announce...
JON: No one will hear you! (hangs up)
STEPHEN: Hello? Hello? Damn you AT&T!
JON: See you in 10 minutes, Colbert! We are going to do this! The forms have been filled out! The checks have been written! It's going to be about 2-3 hours, one Saturday, at our nation's capitol in late October, for some nice people to get together for fun, maybe some special guests, and some great conversation. It'll be like being in a chat room, but real. I don't know, seems like a pretty reasonable request. See you October 30th on the National Mall, spreading the timeless message, take it down a notch, for America.
And then Stephen followed it up on his show.
Folks, who am I kidding? You didn't come here tonight, you didn't tune in to hear me call Stephen Hawking an a-hole, although there is little doubt. No, you tuned in to hear me make a big announcement. This announcement's going to be in Sensurround. Now, if you caught my warm-up act, you know that Jon Stewart made his big announcement. Personally, I thought he was going to finally admit to killing and eating Mo Rocca back in 2003. He made all of us eat his Rocca Tacos. So delicious.
But no, no, ladies and gentlemen, it turns out Jon's announcement was something far more disturbing.
JON STEWART (9/16/2010): For tonight I announce, the Rally to Restore Sanity! ... We will gather on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. ... seems like a pretty reasonable request. See you October 30th on the National Mall, spreading the timeless message, take it down a notch for America.
Well I am sorry, Jon Stewart, I will not take it down a notch. I will notch it up a scotch. Jon Stewart is holding a rally in Washington, D.C., to promote reasonableness? Need I point out that reason is just one letter away from treason? And if we had taken it down a notch when the British passed their tea tax, today we'd all be speaking English. So shame on you Jon Stewart! America cannot afford a rally to restore sanity in the middle of a recession. Did you even consider how many panic-related jobs that might cost those of us in the Fear Industrial Complex? Jim?
ERIC BOLLING: People across the country are afraid...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: ... terrified ...
ANDERSON COOPER: ... running scared ...
DAVID ASMAN: ... afraid of the future ...
EZRA KLEIN: ... petrified ...
JAMES CARVILLE: ... fearful ...
WOLF BLITZER: ... afraid ...
DREW GRIFFIN: ... scared ...
JIM CRAMER: ... freaked out ...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: ... scared silly ...
GLENN BECK: ... frightened ...
CHRIS MATTHEWS: ... a frightening reality out there of the ...
GERALDO RIVERA: ... socialist ...
RACHEL MADDOW: ... racist ...
ALYSON CAMEROTA: ... toxic ...
BILL O'REILLY: ... anchor baby ...
MATT LAUER: ... flu season ...
WENDELL GOLER: ... death panels ...
Why do you think so many news shows are sponsored by Depends? So tonight, ladies and gentlemen, to fight Jon Stewart's creeping reasonableness, to restore truthiness, I am announcing my rally! Nation, are you ready? Good! Because I am announcing it big!
Jimmy, go!
My fellow Americans, two score and four days from now, on October 30th, 2010, I am calling for the nation to join me on the Washington Mall for the March to Keep Fear Alive!
Remember, government of the people, by the people, and for the people, shall not perish from the earth. But you might!
JON STEWART: Bravo, Mr. Colbert!
STEPHEN COLBERT: Jon Stewart!
JON: Bravo!
STEPHEN: Jon Stewart!
JON: Yes, it is I!
STEPHEN: What are you, what? And I say what again, sir!
JON: And I answer you this time, sir! I heard about your March to Keep Fear Alive, Stephen Colbert.
STEPHEN: Oh, are you scared Jon?
JON: Reasonably concerned.
STEPHEN: I will see you in hell!
JON: No! You will see me on the Washington Mall on October 30th! And then later, if hell does exist, obviously, we will see each other. But, I can't say either way there's a certain ethical....
STEPHEN: Right, I understand, different religions have different ideas. Anyway, the point is, on October 30th!
JON: Yes what?
STEPHEN: On October 30th!
JON: Say it again!
STEPHEN: On October 30th!
JON: Again!
STEPHEN: Washington, D.C.!
JON: Where should we go?
STEPHEN: People should definitely book their hotel rooms now, or their children might turn gay!
JON: No! No!
STEPHEN: Yes!
JON: That is not the result! They should book their rooms now, because it will be more difficult to get a good room if you wait.
STEPHEN: Damn your reasonableness!
JON: It is on! Won't back down, sir!
STEPHEN: Jon Stewart, everybody!
JON: It is on!
STEPHEN: Yes! Ladies and gentlemen, it is on! October 30th, on the Mall. Because now is not the time to take it down a notch. Now is the time for all good men to freak out for freedom!