Like moths to a flame, members of the Tea Party movement have found themselves attracted to a dream ticket of Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck to square off against incumbent Barack Obama and thus restore the nation’s honor.
Restoring honor apparently has something to do with stemming the tide of marriage-minded gay Mexican Muslim Marxists who even now are mincing and prancing their way toward America’s porous borders {while looking fabulous} to steal low-paying service sector jobs that patriotic citizens refuse and bankrupting the nation by seeking free health care.
Only Alaska’s former half-term governor and her Fox News colleague are up to this Herculean task; the Republican party, big enough to include more than a few elitists, racists, pistol-packing pastors, conspiracy theorists and militia members somehow fails to be conservative and/or crazy enough for people who have forsaken GOP Kool-Aid for a strange brew steeped in equal parts of fear, confusion and hatred.
Hoping to shut down such campaign before it starts, People for the American Way has been developing bumper stickers that ridicule the idea. It’s a good effort, but I have a feeling that a real Palin-Beck ticket might not necessarily trade on the candidates’ names. Both names carry a bit of baggage, and both names are irreversibly linked to conservative causes. Surely the time has come to rise above party labels as we work together to restore our nation’s honor.
Besides, if you use Palin-Beck, you wind up with the initials PB, It just wouldn’t do to have some durn liberal/fascist/communist to harass the candidates by asking, "Where’s the jelly?"
If you reverse the ticket, you get BP. It might be a little soon to conjure up those mental pictures.
As a student of history (albeit not a good one), Beck probably knows that the candidate’s name doesn’t have to be used to run a successful campaign. Back in 1972, Republican presidential campaign organizers believed that the incumbent president’s surname was a liability. Nixon contains "nix", a synonym for rejection.
And so was born the Committee to Re-Elect the President. CREEP’s
campaign gave their candidate an easy victory. Then some unexpected event abbreviated Nixon’s second term.
A Palin-Beck ticket has already dealt with a shortened political term. So I think a campaign name should reflect the sort of mood that the two have fostered.
I think that the Bipartisan League to Elect Conservative Heroes has a nice ring to it. A Palin-Beck ticket would unite politicians from the right and left in saying, "BLECH." The word would spread like wildfire across our great nation as soon as the scope of the duo’s conservatism became apparent. Even the residents of faraway lands will say "BLECH" when they see the foreign policy designed to restore our honor.
The campaign slogan practically writes itself: "Don’t vote with your heart. Don’t vote with your mind. Vote with your gut. Vote BLECH."