Things happen. People speak. Amazingly, these commonplaces often need interpretation so that we regular folks can properly understand them.
Interpretation is often oblique. Want to understand that latest corkscrew of Religious Right, Christine O'Donnell? It's not as easy as it first seems. But, it's not that hard with practice and can be very useful. First, remember that the best look into her mind so far has been provided by that right leaning darling of young progressives, Bill Maher. Watching her willingly get off in public in return for repeated brushes with almost fame via his former TV show has a certain irony.
To apply this lesson more widely, one needs to draw from a larger joke book (I promise not to crack the Bible in this diary entry.)
A very young lady, under the loving guidance of her devout grandmother, progressed swiftly through through the twists and turns that are the Bible, picking up on the emphasis placed on sexual roles and sexual states the way that young children will.
One day, she surprised her grandmother by asking, "If the Virgin Mary was the mother of Jesus, why is the Bible named after the King James Virgin? And, how come God didn't marry the Virgin Mary when he found out she was pregnant? Was it because shotguns hadn't been invented yet?"
Well, I didn't promise not to mention the level of knowledge the Religious Right has of matters biblical.
It's obvious that people send children to TV, church, synagogues, mosques, ashrams, rock concerts, political web sites and pasta parlors to have "things" interpreted, or as the spiders say, spun for them. When we become adults, we continue the tradition, adding bars, comedy clubs, strip joints, health spas and therapists to our reality spinners.
In any case, a few things were said this week and a few things happened as well that just seemed to cry out for interpretation.
What She Said:
On one episode of Maher's former show, Politically Incorrect, O'Donnell seemed to claim that not only was evolution a myth; but that Darwin himself was.
O'DONNELL: You know what, evolution is a myth. And even Darwin himself -
MAHER: Evolution is a myth? Have you ever looked at a monkey?
O'DONNELL: Well then, why they -- why aren't monkeys still evolving into humans?
What She Meant:
O'DONNELL: Was Darwin, like, a super-intelligent monkey, pretending to be human. Um, I wonder if Darwin had a really big Satanic Altar.
What They did:
The Texas State Board of Education adopted a resolution Friday that seeks to curtail references to Islam in Texas textbooks as socially conservative board members warned of what they describe as a creeping Middle Eastern influence in the nation's publishing industry.
What They Meant:
The Texas State Board of Education adopted a resolution Friday that seeks to curtail the number of brain cells a student may bring to school. Conservative board members warned of what they describe as the creepy tendency of students to ask questions and think for themselves.
What They did:
They released a glossy document of manly photographs, including photos of the Statue of Liberty, Mt. Rushmore, and cowboys. It is clumsily and inaccurately entitled "A Pledge to America: A New Governing Agenda Built on the Priorities of Our Nation, the Principles We Stand For & America's Founding Values." In this document they promised to keep the promises they have made every two years since they figured that making promises cost them nothing and gained them votes. In particular, they promised to cut taxes and fire people working for the government. Republicans still haven't figured out that most government employees work very hard at necessary jobs and also vote.
What They Meant:
Continuing our Contract With the Only Americans Who Count, We will continue to lick the genitals of very, very rich people and their lackeys who run the corporations for them with great enthusiasm. We will lick them in the Congressional Cloakroom. We will lick them in the K Street. We will lick them in the Board Rooms and the Off Shore Enclaves. We will lick them on the golf courses. And, we will get down on our knees will even greater alacrity now that the Supreme Court has made it so much easier for the rich to funnel their money to us without having to cut the Democrats in on the largesse for public relations purposes.
And, we will make certain the rich get exactly the kind government and regulatory oversight they pay for as soon as we are back in power. In the meantime, we will obstruct, delay, obfuscate. and lie as usual. Amen.
What She Said:
NIES: I tell them to be careful. You have to wear a condom. You have to protect yourself when you're going to have sex, because they're having it anyway...There's nothing that you or me can do about it.
O'DONNELL: The sad reality is -- yes, there is something you can do about it. And the sad reality, to tell them slap on a condom is not --
NIES: You're going to stop the whole country from having sex?
O'DONNELL: Yeah. Yeah!
What She Meant:
After we neuter them, our pets are so much more manageable. People would be, too. Besides, even if Darwin had a supermumungous Satanic altar, it turns out he's been dead for a long time and that whole female orgasm thing is a myth anyway.
My list could be longer. This week Sharron Angle didn't think "her' health insurance should cover autism since she did not suffer from autism, apparently failing to realize that many men think that "their" insurance shouldn't cover breast cancer. According to Angle's logic, anyone who has no school age children should stop paying the portion of their property taxes which fund their local school district. I suppose that I, not being a driver, should not have support our roads and highways. Always good for a chuckle is Sharron Angle.
Joe Miller and his dad talked about both Social Security which is fully funded through 2037 and Unemployment Benefits as Ponzi schemes and unconstitutional. The Supreme Court, by the way, ruled the legislation creating Social Security and Unemployment Benefits constitutional in 1937. Joe Miller is a lawyer. Why doesn't he know this? Maybe, they have a different Supreme Court in Alaska.
Modern Republicans make Moe, Larry, Curly proud.