In the last episode, Pete and his family went to a meet the slimeballs in the parking lot of the local shopping mall. A slimeball started explaining their plan for national health insurance but then Pete lost his temper and smashed it with a baseball bat.
The Death Panel
"Pete, what did you do?" Maureen said with the same exasperated tone she used whenever he put the newspapers in the glass recycling bin. "Now I’ll never find out how the slimeball health insurance plan will control costs while delivering preventative care to millions of people."
"Yeah, Dad, thanks a lot," Sarah said, rolling her eyes.
Pete looked down at the globs of green, mucous-like goo scattered over the parking lot asphalt, gobs that had once been the slimeball. The baseball bat was still in his hand.
"What’s the matter with you people?" he snapped. He felt guilty, even though he knew he hadn’t done anything wrong. That only made him angrier. "I was protecting you. They’re slimeballs! They’re here to take away our freedom!"
His family just glared at him like he was an idiot. Then Jason pointed to one of the green globs.
"Look, it’s moving!"
He was right. The bits and pieces of slime were beginning to levitate off the ground. Slowly they floated together, reforming into one giant, green, living ball of alien ectoplasm. A single glob of slimeball struggled to get free from Pete’s shirt and finally Maureen reached over and shook it off. The speck of gunk flew off happily to rejoin the rest of its body. Pete had to admit he felt a little relieved.
"See, I didn’t kill it."
"No, of course not." That was the slimeball again, fully reconstituted and talking in Pete’s brain. "It’s understandable that you would react with fear. We hope that you can put aside your natural repugnance and..."
THWACK!
Pete hadn’t even thought about it this time. He just raised the aluminum bat and brought it down as hard as he could, right where the slimeball’s head would be, if it had had a head. Once again, the globular alien splattered into a hundred bits of gunk. This time, some got caught in Pete’s hair.
Maureen was really angry now. "Pete! Stop doing that! You’re going to make them angry."
Pete hadn’t thought about that. He looked around nervously, but the other slimeballs in the parking lot hadn’t moved, even though knots of people were drifting over to see what had happened.
"Hey, look, he killed one!" shouted a big guy wearing a Homer Simpson tee shirt. "And he’s got some on him!"
"What’d you do that for, mister?" said a short Hispanic woman wearing jeans and a white top. "Now, they’re going to think we’re uncivilized and kill us all. Don’t you watch any movies?"
She was right. Pete turned to Maureen. "Uh, maybe we’d better get out of here."
"Uh, ya think?" said Sarah rolling her eyes.
The slimeball was already pulling itself back together. (Including the bit stuck in Pete’s hair.) This time it quickly floated out of range of Pete’s bat before it started talking. Its voice was still smooth and honey-like.
"Hmm, I see that perhaps you are not capable of overcoming your instinctive prejudices. It is of no consequence. We are quite prepared to handle human resistance."
"See?" Pete shouted, sounding almost gleeful. "They’re expecting resistance! They know we’re going to fight them!" He raised his bat and advanced on the slimeball, which floated up, just out of reach.
"Yes, we were afraid it would come to that." it said.
Then, as if on signal, all of the slimeballs that had been scattered throughout the parking lot talking to groups of people, began floating back up to their big, green, slimy shuttlecraft. As they reached the sides of the ships, they were absorbed into the green mass with a wet sucking sound.
"They’re retreating!" shouted the guy in the Simpsons tee shirt. His round white face shone with excitement. "They’re running away! I shoulda squashed one, too!"
"See? We did it!" Pete shouted, waving his bat at the sky. "We beat the slimeballs!"
A ring of people had formed around them. There was a faint cheer from some in the crowd.
"Uh, I don’t think so," said Jason, as he pointed to the nearest shuttlecraft. A panel had opened up in its slimy side and a long black cylinder was emerging from inside the ship. On the end was a strange device that looked like a pyramid-shaped satellite dish.
"Look, behind that panel!" someone in the crowd screamed. "It’s a death ray! That’s a death panel!"
"A death panel?" bellowed the big guy. "Run for your lives!"
Chaos erupted in the parking lot as people scrambled in every direction. The slimeball shuttlecraft were floating lower. Each one carried a death ray, aimed at the running humans.
Pete only hesitated for a split second. "Quick, in the minivan!" he shouted. He grabbed Jason and pushed him to the door of the 2005 Dodge Caravan. Sarah was already inside, texting someone. If they just could get out of the parking lot, maybe they could still escape. But where was Maureen? He turned to look for her and then an icy cold fear spread through his body.
Maureen hadn’t moved. Maybe she was paralyzed with fright. She was standing there out in the open, her arms held out from her sides with the slimeball ship directly above her.
"Maureen! Run!" Pete screamed.
But it was too late. Pete heard a loud, high-pitched noise and then a bright green death ray shot out from slimeball ship – and Maureen was right in the middle of it!
NEXT: The Slimeball’s Secret Weapon
Follow all the Slimeball adventures at Richieville.com.