Tea Party favorite and nominal leader of the Nitwit Revolution Rand Paul accuses Jack Conway of "bearing false witness" against him in his new television ad. I don't think that phrase means what Rand Paul thinks it means.
You see, Rand, "bearing false witness" is a fancy way to say lying. Making a statement that is not true. I know you're familiar with the concept. Like when you say you've never supported higher Medicare deductibles, when you really have. That's a lie. So you might say you were "bearing false witness" on that issue.
So, when Jack Conway says you were part of a group that mocked Christianity and the Bible, that's actually not "bearing false witness." Because it's true. And when he says you participated in kidnapping a woman, tying her up, and making her bow before the idol of your god "Aqua Buddha," well, that's also not "bearing false witness." Because that, too, actually happened. From a recent GQ article:
The strangest episode of Paul's time at Baylor occurred one afternoon in 1983 (although memories about all of these events are understandably a bit hazy, so the date might be slightly off), when he and a NoZe brother paid a visit to a female student who was one of Paul's teammates on the Baylor swim team. According to this woman, who requested anonymity because of her current job as a clinical psychologist, "He and Randy came to my house, they knocked on my door, and then they blindfolded me, tied me up, and put me in their car. They took me to their apartment and tried to force me to take bong hits. They'd been smoking pot." After the woman refused to smoke with them, Paul and his friend put her back in their car and drove to the countryside outside of Waco, where they stopped near a creek. "They told me their god was 'Aqua Buddha' and that I needed to bow down and worship him," the woman recalls. "They blindfolded me and made me bow down to 'Aqua Buddha' in the creek. I had to say, 'I worship you Aqua Buddha, I worship you.' At Baylor, there were people actively going around trying to save you and we had to go to chapel, so worshiping idols was a big no-no."
Oh, those crazy college days, eh?
Now, I can sympathize with you, Rand. I really can. I'm not exactly what you'd call a Christianity enthusiast either. And you are running for office in the Bible Belt, after all. People in those parts probably don't take kindly to academic elites making fun of their faith. I bet the Tea Party doesn't either. So I can understand why you'd say you had "Christ in your heart." Even if you really only have Washington on your mind.
So who's bearing false witness now?