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Let me go on record as saying I find no fault with a man crying -- even the head of a political party that made the words "MAN UP!" famous over the past couple weeks.  And really, weren't we ALL a little bit moist-eyed at the thought of John Boehner being the new Speaker of the House.

So here, with apologies to David Letterman's writers and in-no-way-affiliated with the creative minds at "World Wide Pants," THE TOP 10 REASONS JOHN BOEHNER GOT WEEPY AT LAST NIGHT'S PRESS CONFERENCE.

  1.  Dreads the moment every new speaker faces when the outgoing speaker whacks him on the noggin with the gavel.
  1.  He suddenly saw the faces of all the people he had to murder in his rise to power.
  1.  Just handed a note that the hotel bar was out of Maker's Mark.
  1.  Thought for a moment that, as Speaker, he'd have to accomplish something.  Recalled which party he belongs to.  Felt better.
  1.  Remembered all the kids in high school who used to pronounce his last name "Boner" before pushing him out of the locker room naked.
  1.  A drop of sweat made some of that orange crap he sprays on his skin run into his eyes.
  1.  As Speaker, it will be his job to keep GOP congressmen from molesting House Pages.
  1.  He realized just how much he's going to miss those daily UFO briefings from Rand Paul now that he's in the Senate.
  1.  Do you know how many puppies a Republican Speaker of the House is required to eat?  A LOT!  THAT's how many!

And the Number 1 Reason John Boehner got weepy during last night's press conference?

  1.  He was blind, stinkin' drunk.

Thank you.  Tip your waitress.  Try the veal.

Originally posted to Parky Bill on Wed Nov 03, 2010 at 01:43 PM PDT.

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