(freshrant.com) Former President George W. Bush was said to be resting comfortably after a surprising interruption of the tour promoting his newly published book, Decision Points. Bush was rushed by ambulance from an interview with Today Show’s Matt Lauer to Sloan-Kettering Hospital in Manhattan after spewing massive amounts of bull pucky all over the NBC Rockerfeller Plaza studios.
Lauer later commented about the interview, "We knew Bush would be doling his usual B.S., but in more measured amounts. We had even taken precautions by conducting the interview on elevated chairs. What we failed to realize, Bush’s book requires us to condense eight years of bullshit into a 15 minute segment. Of course, the dookie dump was just too much, even for Bush, who has been a master of bullshit for decades. But that all seems clear in hindsight. No pun intended," Lauer quickly added.
Lauer then went on to describe the extraordinary scene, "Right in the middle of saying, ‘No one could have possibly known Saddam didn’t have weapons of mass destruction,’ large brown flows of fecal matter began oozing out of Bush’s mouth and pant legs. What a sight...and the smell!" said the woozy Today Show host who said he was still nauseated by the experience.
"Of course, we all know that Bush said he would abide by the U.N. weapon inspectors before the Iraq War, but when the weapons inspectors repeatedly came up with no WMD’s, Bush decided to invade. I think that was what let off the first massive stink bomb in the studio. You're tellin' me ‘shock and awe’?" Lauer joked.
"I think we could have gotten through the interview if Mr. Bush hadn’t strung together an uninterrupted river of poo that included the WMD’s; that the banking crisis wasn’t caused by under-regulation; that he let the court decision stand on Scooter Libby’s sentence for outing a covert CIA agent even though Bush actually fully commuted his sentence; that it was the Louisiana governor’s fault that he didn’t react quicker to Katrina; that he tried to rescue Social Security instead of saying he tried to privatize it which would have caused it to go under during the financial meltdown; that the housing crisis was the fault of congress even though he went all over the country in the first term of his administration giving speeches on the ‘ownership society’ for all Americans; that he never "got caught in the political name-calling" even though his entire 2004 campaign he called his opponents of the Iraq War unpatriotic; and that no one saw the terror attack on America coming even though he ignored verbal and written intelligence reports warning of just such an attack by bin Laden using planes crashing into buildings."
Lauer continued, "Bush was just boasting how he had kept the country safe and free from terrorist attacks during his presidency, even though 9/11 happened under his watch, when, what Bush’s doctors call, "a rare and extreme gastro-intestinal blockage", suddenly broke, causing a sustained and uninterrupted flow out of every available orifice.
While Bush’s physicians say he is recovering nicely, they warn that his propensity for bullshit appears to be chronic, if not congenital. However, a specialist on this syndrome who examined Bush at Sloan-Kettering said it is not that unusual for people to rise to positions of power on pure, unadulterated bullshit.
Back at his home in Dallas, having concluded his book tour, the former president said after a taking short rest and "squeezing out few more deuces", he is planning to direct "every bit of his bullshit" into the building of the George W. Bush Presidential Library.