He'll fight for freedom, wherever there's trouble. Fighting to save the day. He's always there; fighting for freedom over land and air. He never gives up; he'll stay, 'till the fight's won. G.I. Joe, a real American hero, is there.
You see why we can't win in Afghanistan? We have one jackass who insists on fighting the Taliban by himself.
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An Open Letter to Writers of Open Letters
Disclaimer: this is not directed at anyone in particular. Yet, in the time I’ve been here at Daily Kos, I’ve seen dozens of dozens of these open letters, and I’d like to set the record straight, once and for all, on how effective these things really are. Oh, and this is satirical. Sort of. Thanks, and have an IVH night.
To Whom It May Concern:
Let us just cut right to the point. I don't have much time; G.I. Joe is coming on in a few.
You know how you spend part of your valuable time writing these “open letters” to certain people that you want everyone to see? I cordially inform you that the intended recipient of the so-called “open letter” is not ever going to neither see nor read it. And 99% of the open letters written will never achieve the broad status of "Letter From a Birmingham Jail", which Martin Luther King, Jr. wrote. Thus, the only conclusion any reader of such must draw is that your open letter is strictly for your own benefit. Well, isn’t it?
Think about it: the same letter you allegedly wrote to so-and-so was never intended to reach Mr. or Mrs. So-And-So in the first place. What else would be the purpose, dear letter writer, to post it on the internet for the world to see, and not send a print copy to the person whom you address it? If I am being honest, it would seem that you wrote out an expository lecture for others to comment on, not a heartfelt and important personal missive for the addressee to read.
Besides, it is likely the addressee of that letter gets emails and letters from people every single day. Do you really think your open letter, posted in one of infinity of pages on the internet, is ever seriously going to be read? Consider this, for a moment: you have no clout. You’re posting a letter to somebody on your blog, that you and a few random people read, and you have no clout. Unless that open letter is posted in a major publication, like the Washington Post Editorial Page, or gets re-tweeted 1,000 times on Twitter by complete strangers, you might as well have submitted that letter to The Examiner newspaper—which they hand out for free at Metro stations and end up in receptacles, or the empty seat on the train—and get paid. Hell, you will only get $2.50 for it, but it’s better than nothing at all.
In conclusion, if you have the time to write a letter and post it to the internet; you have plenty of time to click print, buy an envelope and stamp, and send it to your addressee. At the minimum, email will suffice. Think of it as litterae patentes, and send a copy. If you are going to be dutiful, at least put some fracking effort into it. Thank you.
And tomorrow, at a podium that will be erected at the LYNX Light Rail station outside Time Warner Cable Arena, I will give a 30-minute address about you petition shufflers out there. You have been warned. Bring coffee and donuts. Krispy Kreme, mofos.
Sincerely,
VeeCeeThree
Future Governor/Representative of Congressional District of either Maryland, North Carolina, Texas, or New Jersey, Who Will Not Read Open Letters Posted on Teh Internetz, Because He Will Be Too Damn Busy Doing Government-Type Shit
P.S.: If you’d like an printed copy of this letter, please send a self-addressed envelope and $2 to:
vcthree
re: “Transcripts”
PO Box 90210-Adam-12
Likeuwannnano, Connecticut 06106
*not a real address, but the zip code is for West Hartford. And no, I don't live there, either. And no, there will not be an address tomorrow. I'll be shopping for groceries.
Tonight's Late Late Show features Russell Crowe, and...Dr. Lisa Masterson? Who dat?
HIGHLIGHTS: