You know that money that we pay in taxes?
Wouldn't you like to have a bunch of that?
Well, I found us a really good way to cash in; all we need is someone with a beard and a nice thick accent. I say we get some of them millions right away, since our government is so eager to give it away and doesn't even check whom they're giving it to.
Follow me below the fold to find out how we can all make a bunch of money. Those credulous idiots in Washington just want to give money away, and I'll bet we can set it up as good as the Pakistanis can!
KABUL, Afghanistan — For months, the secret talks unfolding between Taliban and Afghan leaders to end the war appeared to be showing promise, if only because of the appearance of a certain insurgent leader at one end of the table: Mullah Akhtar Muhammad Mansour, one of the most senior commanders in the Taliban movement.
But now, it turns out, Mr. Mansour was apparently not Mr. Mansour at all. In an episode that could have been lifted from a spy novel, United States and Afghan officials now say the Afghan man was an impostor, and high-level discussions conducted with the assistance of NATO appear to have achieved little.
"It’s not him," said a Western diplomat in Kabul intimately involved in the discussions. "And we gave him a lot of money."
Now don't you love that; millions given away to a guy that pulled the wool over our professional's eyes. You know, the ones we pay to keep the terrorists from bombing our country, stealing our women folk, and doing other nefarious things, which they're doing right under our noses far as we know, as it's obvious that we can't tell the Taliban leader from Joe Schmoe.
Sure is nice to know that is somebody spending our money in such a coherent way; now how can we, and more specifically I, cash in on all this bounty? I'll be a fake Taliban leader... ooops, that's right, I don't have a beard.
Oh, and by the way, if you have a beard don't go through the TSA screenings, as you'll sure be pulled over and have your junk fondled. I mean, they really know who is a terrorist and who isn't; maybe we should ask them to identify a real Taliban leader for us, so we don't waste millions on... well you know... some of us masquerading as Taliban.
Anybody up for it? There's got to be somebody among the Kossacks that can play the role.