From Alton, in the true-blue (barely) state of Illinois....
Here we go with the Christmas season, 2010. Last year at this time I was about as low as one could go (I was looking up at the snakes' bellies) and while I do have some painful anniversaries coming up, I intend to work through them all. A thought occurred to me a day or so ago: I am the final arbiter of whether or not this will be a good Christmas season, me and not anyone else. So I'm going to do my utmost to make it a good time of year. I hope all of you will too.
(Insert Hallmark Channel Very Special Heartwarming Christmas Music here)
Doc's special Christmas edition Cheers and Jeers begins below the fold, with news from around the nation, around the world, and up your alley! ("Up my alley?" Up yours!)
DISCLAIMER: AAbshier's Cheers and Jeers are not affiliated in any way, shape, or form, with Bill in Portland Maine's Cheers and Jeers. The use of the words JEERS and CHEERS , the swoosh/gong device, pie references, pootie pics, Birdbrain64 and Schwede flirting with each other, mattress references, whomps, goats, kvetching over meta diaries, the heartbreak of psoriasis, and flicked peas are all used with permission of Bill in Portland Maine and the members of the C&J Café community. Any further resemblances to BiPM`s Cheers and Jeers are deliberately coincidental. So there.
NOTE: I am doing a Christmas card exchange this year; if you're interested, let me know in the comments or email me at aravm98 at yahoo dot com. If you're one of the first five to sign up, you get a handful of Inky hair with your Christmas card, absolutely free!
Your Moment of Witzelsucht For the Week:
(in the box so that you can avoid it and not miss anything else)
Sometimes, it's just too easy:
It's a Cheers and Jeers Christmas! Holiday!
Cheers to the Potemkin Village Christmas! I put up the Christmas Holiday tree and decorated it, and also put up my outside lights. What I thought would be a bother actually turned out to be kind of fun! A Jeer within the Cheer to light strands that light up when tested but don't light up when set on the tree.
Jeers to Teh Stupid on so-called Black Friday. A woman was arrested at a Toys-R-Us in Wisconsin for threatening to shoot other shoppers that cut in front of her in line. She will now be spending her shopping money on bail, or contemplating Christmas....in the big house!
Cheers to the perfect Christmas gift for your aspiring medical students: The Apprentice Doctor - How to Stitch Wounds, Suturing Course. It's also perfect for the sado-masochists on your list. (They missed the more obvious name for this product: Suture Self.)
Jeers to crappy Christmas traditions. In the Catalonia region of Spain, hiding caganers in Nativity scenes are a tradition dating back to the 18th Century. Sounds innocent enough, except that "caganers" are statuettes of well-known people defecating. On the plus side, if you buy the matator and bull figurines, you can literally have bullshit in your Nativity scene. That would twist some tails. Speaking of crap:
Jeers to holiday table dishes that look like crap. The Food Network's Paula "two sticks of butter ain't enough butter" Deen published a recipe for deep fried stuffing on a stick that, when made, looks like, well, crap! I don't think even an Oklahoman would touch this one (in Oklahoma, if it moves, kill it; after you kill it, deep-fry it) with a 10-foot pole. Which segues nicely into.....
And now, a word from our sponsor:
If you are from central Oklahoma, or lived there during the holiday season (including presently), most likely you will be able to sing this 1956-vintage jingle on command, as Oklahoma native Megan Mullaly demonstrates on a Tonight Show appearance. It's been called the unofficial 2nd state song for Oklahoma:
When I first moved to Oklahoma in 1988, they were running these ads, and I thought I had been transported into the Land That Time Forgot. Little did I know that after living there for 12 years, I would learn how true that would turn out to be!
Finally, Cheers to an email that made the rounds last year. Though the War on Christmas has been a "phony war" this season thus far, forewarned is forearmed, and this will effectively counter almost anything your right wing and/or fundie friends may send you. The text of the email is presented in its entirety, with my annotations in italics. All emphases are mine. Copy and paste to your heart's content:
Letter from Jesus about Christmas --
It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season. Maybe you've forgotten that I wasn't actually born during this time of the year and that it has some of your predecessors who decided to celebrate My birthday on what was actually a time of pagan festival. Although I do appreciate being remembered anytime. How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn. If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town. Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8. If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it:
- Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.
- Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.
- Instead of writing Barack Obama complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Tell him you are praying for our country and its leaders.
- Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.
[I dare you parents out there to try this. If I had kids, I wouldn't be able to get away with it!]
5.Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.
[That's a top priority for me this season. It's also much easier said than done. But this holiday is about giving and forgiving, so I will do my best.]
6.Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.
7.Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one.
8.If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary-- especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.
[Depends on the nature of the missionary work. I have no problem with those who go into the world and LIVE Christ's teachings, by setting up schools, hospitals, helping feed the hungry, clothe the poor, and heal the sick. I do have a problem with going on a mission that is straight-up proseletyzing. With all due respect to any LDS or Jehovahs' Witnesses readers out there, selling a faith like someone else sells shoes cheapens the faith or belief system. But I digress.]
- Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.
- Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.
Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember:
I LOVE YOU,
JESUS
I realize that there are those who might see this as someone purporting to speak for God or for Christ. That's a fair statement--but I would submit that those who work themselves into a vein-popping rage over "Happy Holidays" or "Holiday xxxx" are most certainly not speaking for God or Christ, either. For two millenia our species has managed to get into some pretty bloody fights--and I mean that literally, because it continues to this day--over interpretation of religion, and over how we see God. The holiday season, can, and should, be a break from that. We all have much bigger problems to think about than whether or not Store A or Restaurant B says "Merry Christmas". The spirit of Christmas, as with the spirit of God, can be in all of us, and if it is strong enough, it will NEVER be threatened by who calls what this season.
Okay? Okay. You, my readers, and I are the final arbiters of how this season will be for each of us--no one else. Let's make it a good one, y'hear?
Inky says: "Hit that reco button! And if you buy me an iPad for Christmas it won't hurt my feelings. I'll even let my human use it!"
A late Cheers to fellow sometime kiddie pooler Mad Ramblings of a Sane Woman, who invited me to spend Thanksgiving with her family and some friends of her family. It was an unexpected treat to spend Thanksgiving together with friends, instead of by myself. Thank you.