Glenn Beck told me the Revolution is ALREADY here... Well I've been waiting for you, buddy.
Right now the libs are all smug cause they think they got the juice. Of course, libs wouldn't be so smug if we still took shots at 'em the way we used to. That's why they want our guns. They say they don't , but they ain't foolin' me. No, sir.
I've got me some sweet pieces I've "collected" over the years, if you catch my drift. Just picked up a Sweeeeet Bushmaster Dissipator with three-round burst and a picanniny...uh..I meant Picatinny rail. Sure I could put a laser sight on it, but a bayonnet's so much cooler.
Anyway, I was getting high, cleaning "Sweetness," and listening to Glenn Beck when he looked out the TV and something to me that reminded me of something a voice in my head once said:
The Democrats are pulling out all the stops - offering to double contributions and send free car magnets to anybody who donates.
That used to confuse the hell out of me, but listening to Beck, it all became clear...
I always wondered how it would start. I imagined riots, martial law, helicopters, but car magnets? Those bastards! I used to work scrap metal. Those magnets are no joke. They can lift a city bus. You think after they cut off the liberal's unemployment benefits they won't use those magnets to "liberate" your Hummer next time you're at the mall?
Now I know what you're thinking. Those car magnets are HUGE. How some wimpy ass liberal gonna haul one of those beasts out to the mall? In broad daylight no less? That just didn't make any sense. But you know if it doesn't make sense then some liberal is gonna go and do it.
Don't take my word for it. I did a little Google research and guess what I found.
They have got ROBOTS. CAR MAGNET Robots. They're building an army! And they are slick, too. They are making them to look like artwork so they don't scare the public.
I found this image on a site that's supposedly about artists. But you know they're all liberals... got grants and everything. It's a secret program. Hiding in plain sight. Waiting for the day when their bosses tell them to rise up and take our cars. I figured I better put this out there so other patriots can spread the word. Sort of like insurance if you catch my meaning. This isn't the only secret they've been cooking up.
I may not be the world's biggest fan of books, but I listen. And you know what I heard? I heard that Mr. Secret Muslim is really the Manchurian Candidate. At first I thought that was a mistake. Because how you gonna be a candidate when you're already president? I mean the elections over, right? Besides, I never heard of no Manchurian Party. Then I remembered hearing something about Manchuria back in school, and I realized it's not a party. It's some foreign country... like Africa. Danged if I could remember where the heck it's at. I mean, seriously, if we're not bombing who cares where they are?
Well, this time I figure I better get prepared in case they want to bomb us, know what I mean? So I went down to my kid's school and looked at the map they have on the wall with all the pins in it from where all the teachers come from. Guess what? Manchuria wasn't on that map! So I went to the library and looked it up there in their Atlas. And it wasn't there either!
One of the ladies who worked there saw me and offered to "help" me find what I was looking for, but they don't fool me. Think they're so smart, but they ain't. They think Masons and Illuminati are the only ones with secret symbols? I saw National Treasure. I know they're all secret liberals. I mean, c'mon... they call themselves LIBrarians. They work in a LIBrary. Pretty damn obvious if you ask me. Anyway, I played dumb and told her I was looking for information on the Manchurian Party. She looked at me all funny-like and said it's not a party. Then she saw I was holding an Atlas and she tried to tell me Manchuria isn't a country... so I unloaded on her.
"If Manchuria it isn't a party and it isn't a country... then how come we got a Manchurian Candidate in the White House?" You could have knocked her over with a feather. See, I don't know much, but I know what I know.
That's when I figured it out.
They've been planning this day for a long time. They got hold of the books while we were all watching American Idol and they changed them up on us. They changed the damn maps. The Soviet Union isn't there anymore. Don't take my word for it. Go look for yourself. They hid it under a whole bunch of crazy names ... Uzipakistan, Krgyazasomthing, Kakadoodlestan, just made up names no American could ever pronounce. They did it on purpose. They did it to confuse us. But I know what they really did. They hid Manchuria behind all that confusion. It's like a new Iron Curtain, but made of words. Right there on the border with Afghanistan! Coincidence? I don't think so.
That's why I think they want our cars. They're gonna need a whole hell of a lot of off road vehicles and they know they ain't getting ours without a fight. So they're going to swipe them with their magnets. Then they're going to use the robots to take them into Manchuria. Then they're going to come and.... well I don't really know what yet, but it's got something to do with opium. Opium and robots.
Did you know the Army has more robots in Afghanistan than people? It's a fact. I don't know what robots run on, maybe it's opium. Maybe that's really why we're there in the first place. So the Secret Muslim can use the Manchurian Robot Army to grab up all the opium and take over America.
Now I know what you're thinking.
"How the hell are they going to get the robots back here to attack the US?" Well that's the brilliance of it. They're don't have to. They're going to send troops to fight them over THERE leaving us unprotected over HERE. Get it? With all our military tied up in Manchuria fighting robots, no one will be left to protect our borders... that's when they're going to take over. It's like a reverse Trojan Horse. Lou Dobbs tried to warn us about this. And look what happened to him. That proves he was on to something.
Now, I'll admit I don't have all the answers, but I know this much. I'm not gonna to wait for the smoking gun to show up tied to the arm of some opium-driven robot.