In the meantime, gay soldiers who are still serving in silence will continue to put on our rucksacks and do what our country asks of us –- and wait.
Today the Senate will, or will not, as it chooses, right a wrong against this country's citizens: especially those who have tried to serve their country and have been dismissed, and those who are serving their country all the while entangled in a web that demands evasion and deception.
The Senate will, or will not, right a wrong against the citizens of this country these soldiers have sworn to protect by not making it possible for our country to have the best military possible; and they will or will not right a wrong against the principles of equality and liberty enshrined in our founding documents.
Here is a letter from one such citizen soldier.
Read it and hope as the vote unfolds on CSpan2 currently scheduled for around 11:00 AM ET, if, as disgustedly expected, the cloture vote for the Dream Act fails.
Update 11:50 Apparently Snowe aye. Brown aye. 63-33 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Update 11:45 Lugar no. Kirk yea. Murkowski yea. Collins yea. Conrad yea. Looking good.
Update 11:36 Here we go. Cloture on DADT. Or not.
Update 11:35 Dream Act failed. 55-41. Lieberman speaks for repeal. McCain "very sad day". I still have no idea how the vote will go.
Update 11:30 Off rec list. See elsewhere for future updates I guess.
Update 11:25 Pryor no. Lincoln aye. Brown (MA) no. Snowe no. DREAM Act seems certain to fail. Bigoted assholes.
Update 11:18 Lugar one R so far I've heard to vote aye.
Update 11:15 Senate roll calls. What a waste of time.
Update 11:08 Vote for cloture on DREAM Act about to be taken! CSPAN sucks for this. You cannot tell who was voted "aye" or "nay" or what the totals currently are.
Update 11:07 Reid. "Some Republicans want to demonize these young people who want to serve our country." "Read the bill!"
Update 11:02 Harry Reid. Procedures a "big yawn" to the American people. Stopped, stymied by minority. "To suggest that there has not been hearings on DADT is nonsensical." Harry Reid is just not inspiring. Oh well.
Update 11:00 Prune face Mitch McConnell. Denying minority right to offer amendments 43 times. Dream Act -- no Senate Committee action in seven years. "Repeal rushed through" (!)
Update 10:50 Dick Durbin. Putting up pictures of Dream Act candidates. Wanted to serve after 9/11, rejected because undocumented.
Update 10:45 Dick Durbin. "Not often you get a chance to vote directly on questions of justice. Not once, but twice today." "Working on this issue for 10 year." "Their lives hang in the balance."
Update 10:35 John McCain. Threats for the next session. Cites General Amos. "Costs Marines lives." "Social, political agenda." "Probably pass today. High-fives amongst the liberal bastions." Liberal bastions again. "Additional sacrifice." Please, when will he shut up.
Update 10:32 My hero, Senator Gillibrand. "Corrosive policy." "You cannot, because of who you love." "Urgent issue for national security."
Update 10:25 Jon Kyl. Waiting for him to mention headless bodies. If I hear 'secure our borders' any more I'm going to puke. And just what would be wrong with another 2,000,000 able-bodied citizens contributing taxes and GDP to the nation? "the alien". Go back to Arizona, please.
Update 10:20 About 40 minutes of debate left. Feinstein. "No one should be turned away because of who they are." "DADT: You can serve, but only if you lie." "This is one for Sgt. Presley" (discharged after saving lifes in a car-bomb incident). DREAM Act support.
Update 10:12 Lieberman. "Up to half a billion dollars to throw these people out." "Of those Marines who have served with gays and lesbians, 84% say 'no problem'."
Update 10:10 AM Joe Lieberman. "Opportunity to right a wrong." "Context of history." A journey... with regard to race, women, to secure rights. In our generation, with regard to gay and lesbian Americans, no one will be denied opportunity based on sexual orientation. "DADT inconsistent with our American values."
Update 10:05 AM Saxby Chambliss declaring 'tit for tat' on bringing bills up for a vote next session. Criticizing study. Generally being an asshole. "67% of Marines in foxholes" think it is a problem. "Potential for increase in risk of death". Please shut up. "Should it be repealed sometime? Maybe."
Update 10:00 AM Jim Webb speaking. Saying why policy change will work. Ruh roh. 'Sequenced coordination' of different units at different times! But he will be voting yes.
Update 9:55 AM Lindsay Graham speaking. Railing against no ability to offer amendments. Did not say specifically he would vote against DADT. Villifies the DREAM Act.
I'm writing letters to my loved ones in case I don't return from Afghanistan. I hope my partner never has to open his. If he does, it will ask him to tell who I was, because I couldn't.
I was a teenager when my brother came home with an American flag draped over his coffin, so I understand the fragility of life and the dangers of serving. And the additional burden of Don't Ask, Don't Tell is one I choose to carry. I volunteered for deployment, and I continue to serve. It's my deepest core value, whatever the cost.
The silence is the hardest part. I listen intently as my fellow soldiers talk about facing the reality of leaving their loved ones for a year and all the life events that will be missed. I don't talk about my own experience at all, because it's easier to come across as cold and removed than to risk slipping and mentioning that my loved one is of the same gender. For all I know, there are other gay soldiers in my unit, ones who understand what I'm going through. My gay friends in civilian life are supportive, but they don't often understand the military or soldiering. That camouflage is another burden I carry as I prepare to leave.
It's also difficult knowing that this policy is nothing more than politics. I try not to think too much about DADT and how destructive it is to peoples' lives, to military units, readiness, and to the progression of our country to a better place. But when I do let myself think about these things, I seethe with anger.
I am angry at the politicians who have for several years talked the talk on the policy, heightening the awareness of homosexuality among military personnel, and then done little to nothing to actually change it. We gay soldiers are the ones who suffer but can't openly participate in the debate.
I am angry at certain senators -– John McCain comes to mind –- who have obviously lost touch with any understanding of the current generation of service men and women, who, as we all know, support repeal at overwhelming numbers. They hide behind a vitriolic rhetoric fraught with illogical arguments and innuendo, smothered by their obvious fear.
And so we wait to see what the Senate will do. In the meantime, I have to remind myself to look elsewhere for comfort, to remember the courage of people like Dan Choi and his consistent devotion to changing this policy, at a very personal cost. Or Katie Miller, who made public at West Point who she really is, but would seek return the moment the policy is overturned. I also remind myself of the moral courage of Secretary Gates and Admiral Mullen, thankful that some at the highest level of military leadership get it even as others call our plight a "distraction."
And I'm reminded of the moral courage of my partner, who encourages me everyday to continue to put on that uniform; who believes that some things are worthy of our energies; who quietly plods along and prepares for my deployment as I do the same. I know as a soldier, it is the people we leave behind who bear the real brunt of deployment, who hold it all together, who send the care packages and pray for our returns. He'll have to do it on his own though. There are no support groups for the gay partners left back home.
In the meantime, gay soldiers who are still serving in silence will continue to put on our rucksacks and do what our country asks of us –- and wait.
-- Anonymous
Technical Sergeant Leonard Matlovich grave site.