Thank You Lebron James for this marvelous teaching opportunity. Last week you became the first professional athlete in American History to advocate for fewer jobs for his colleagues.
Then you said, “I didn’t mean blah-blah-blah; I’M JUST SAYIN’ blah, blah, blah.”
It would be so much better to hear: “I just feel like I can achieve a greater state of self-actualization if I take my talents to South Beach.” Had Lebron spent a year in Ann Arbor or Columbus, we might be treated to that type of verbal elegance and insight.
Note to Lebron James-
THE STUPIDEST PHRASE IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE: “I’M JUST SAYIN’”
Thank You Lebron James. Thank you for defining and illustrating so succinctly what the problems are. And thank you for this marvelous “teaching opportunity” for millions of young Americans.
You have thoughtfully illustrated how a bright and talented young man can make a total fool of himself by attempting to govern his admirers, former admirers, teammates, coaches and now the entire NBA with his ego.
Thank you for that comment about, Taking my talents to South Beach.” I got a lot of mileage out of that one. My friends laughed long and hard when I announced that this struggling writer was “taking my talents to South Beach.” Actually, I know a few people who don’t follow sports and asked me why I was leaving California. They also laughed long and hard when I explained the context.
Last week you became the first professional athlete in American History to advocate for fewer jobs for his colleagues. You argued that the NBA would be a better product if they closed up shop in Twin Cities and Jersey/Brooklyn, and the Heat got either Kevin Love or Devin Harris. And now you want a mulligan. You said, "That's crazy, because I had no idea what the word 'contraction' meant before I saw it on the Internet," If you’d spent a year at Ohio State or Michigan, they would have taught you that word before you signed with the Cavs. You might have also learned a bit about values, respect, history, human nature and a few other silly things that come with a “liberal” education.
Then you offered a comforting clarification that we’ve heard many times recently from athletes and other young celebs who run the mouth before engaging the brain: “I didn’t mean blah-blah-blah; I’M JUST SAYIN’ blah, blah, blah.” That is the most weak and feckless attempt available to English speakers, who have said something really stupid, and are called to account for it. We’ve heard it before. “I’m didn’t mean my coach is a moron; I’m just SAYIN’ my coach is a moron.”
Is it any coincidence that two of the NBA’s greatest stars consistently say some of the stupidest things? Yes, Kobe Bryant is in this discussion too. What do these two have in common besides hoop skills? Both were early self-starters, whose talent was just too good for college. Both did not need college. Did they? Or did they? My favorite Kobe moment was when he and Raja Bell were having a testy battle in the playoffs, and Kobe went after Raja’s mother when he said, “I don’t know; maybe he didn’t get hugged enough as a kid.” Raja’s mom got the best of that one though; she saw Kobe in the tunnel the next day and said, “Kobe what’s the matter; you look like you need a hug.”
Now we hear the argument that a talented 18 year-old is being persecuted for being FORCED to go to college, rather than being allowed to pursue his lifelong dream of staring in the NBA. Jesse Jackson has likened it to slavery. Oh, PULEEAASSSEE! Counterarguments: Bill Willoughby, Jonathan Bender, Eric Horton and a couple of hundred more forgettable examples. Like Derrick Rose and Tyreke Evans were so persecuted for having to spend a year at The University of Memphis State and attend class in between practices and games. And like they’re so scarred for having done it and will never get their careers on track.
This brings us to the 2nd stupidest phrase misused in the English Language: “I’ve got to take care of my family.” We owe Latrell Sprewell a debt of gratitude for that bromide. It makes me think of the conversation in Chinatown between Jake Gittes (Jack Nicholson) and Noah Cross (John Huston) on the topic of superfluous wealth, “How much better can you eat; how much better can you live?” Let’s recognize that there is a threshold of financial security, at which the lower rungs of Maslows needs are not threatened. It would be so much better to hear: “I just feel like I can achieve a greater state of self-actualization if I take my talents to South Beach.” Had Lebron spent a year in Ann Arbor or Columbus, we might be treated to that type of verbal elegance and insight.
The Urban Dictionary notes the following about, “I’m just sayin”: A phrase that is used when someone is offended by something you said. This phrase then removes all the offensiveness of the previous statement, making it all good.”
In reality, it doesn’t work like that. “I’m just sayin’” is not a retraction, apology or any attempt to make it right. It’s cowardly; it’s a hit and run. Here’s the proper template for an “apology”, when it is the ONLY way to extract the foot from the mouth:
“I’m sorry I offended _______________________ when I said _________________________. I recognize that was an offensive and thoughtless comment I made. I can’t tell you that’s not me, ‘cause I said it and ya’ll heard it. But I am deeply sorry I embarrassed ____________________ with my comment. Rest assured, no one is more embarrassed than I am. I said something really stupid, and I have to live with it until ya’ll forget about it. I understand that won’t be soon. I also apologize to my family, my teammates, the organization and the good people of ___________________, who were understandably hurt and offended by my thoughtless remarks. I can only promise to TRY to be more thoughtful about these situations. I recognize that I have been blessed with great success at an early age, and that sometimes I’ve let that cloud my perception and judgment. For that, I also apologize. I messed up; I’m human; and I can only try to do better.”
Now there are other ways to nuance a proper public apology, depending on the dynamics and extent of the damage, but that’s the basic template: 1.) Apologize; 2.) Articulate; 3.) Validate the reaction; 4.) Acknowledge the damage or hurt feelings; 5.) Promise not to do it again, or at least TRY.
And with that: I’m taking my talents to lunch. No apologies.
H. Scott Prosterman