[Headline redacted - MB]
this hullabaloo could have been avoided. Well, strictly speaking, Judge John Roll and the others who died or were injured would need to have been headless, too...But at any rate...As a longtime supporter of the NRA's positions, Governor Brewer believes that the problem isn't guns, it's people running around with their heads out in the open in a vulnerable place that causes all the trouble.
"Accordingly, Governor Brewer, who as anyone with even half a bwain can tell, long ago replaced her head with a leather replica, will only support headless corpses for candidates for public offices in the future. Alternatively, she will support people like herself whose heads are actually leather or wooden replicas of the real thing.
"Furthermore, the Governor, who has already pledged to conserve the Great State of Arizona's finest resource, its old, fat, white men, makes a second pledge at this time to enhance the future by embracing the mythical past of the wild wild 1950s. Henceforth, when she appoints people to judgeships or other public offices, she will, of course, only dip into the ready pool of headless corpses provided by the GOP and News Corp. In that way, state government officials will never become confused by those dusty traditions, laws and history that clutter up so many of the books and files in the government buildings, not to mention the brains of the people who insist on working in them.
"Before I forget, Gov. Brewer's heart will go out to those who died or were injured during today's event, and their families and loved ones, as soon as she can find it although the Governor has to wonder what these people were doing at a supermarket where just anyone might come up to them. That wasn't very smart, was it?
"And, finally, the Governor would like to mention to the Tea Party membership that it is not actually necessary to shoot the elected members of the opposition parties. Not yet."